As promised, I will round out the NFL recap with teams 17-32. Since these teams ended up with the fuzzy end of the lollipop, I'll tell you what went wrong, or maybe just take shots at their coaching staff or general lack of effort (and in the case of the Denver Broncos, both). Let's dive in:
17. Jacksonville Jaguars (8-8, 2nd in AFC South)
Do you ever just forget that the Jaguars are an NFL team? When were these 8 victories? Admittedly, I didn't watch nearly as much NFL Live or SportsCenter as I usually do, but I can't remember a Jaguars highlight (save for the successful Hail Mary against Houston). And how did they snag second in the division?? What happened to the potent AFC South? Wasn't this the division in which every team finished with 8 wins or better and sent 3 to the playoffs in 2007? And the division that went a combined 38-26 last year? Now even the Colts look like they're slipping a bit. Let's just hope this doesn't turn into a "2010 Seattle Seahawks" situation where we see a team like the Jaguars take a division because no one else wanted it. That would be bad, because half the time, I can't remember if the Jags are in the NFL or CFL.
18. Miami Dolphins (7-9, 3rd in AFC East)
Speaking of teams that like to blend into the decoration, what exactly is it that the Miami Dolphins do well? I know they aren't a passing team because their quarterback is Chad Henne. They don't get much done on the ground because Ronnie "Oh what's wrong with him now?" Brown and Ricky "Bong Hit" Williams combined for just 7 TDs on the year. They were held to 15 points or less in 9 games and 23 points or less in 13. It's only a 16 game season. And unless you have Troy "The Mane" Polamalu running around in your secondary, that's not going to cut it. I think though the most telling factor for the Dolphins is that Anthony Fasano had more receiving touchdowns than Brandon Marshall. You think BMarsh is happy about that?
19. St. Louis Rams (7-9, 2nd in NFC West)
Best moment of the 2010 NFL season: NBC trying to promote the week 17 Sunday night match up between the 6-9 Seahawks and 7-8 Rams to decide the division. "Bradford! Hasselbeck!". If it's any consolation to the Rams, in terms of point differential, they were the least horrendous team in the division, pulling in with a strong -39. Would it have been a great story for the Rams to make the playoffs in 2010, after winning 6 games from 2007-2009? Sure. And I will be the first one to tell you how impressed I was with Sam Bradford. Kid's got heart. But you cannot be successful when your number one receiving option is named Danny Amendola. It's actually a bylaw in the NFL rulebook. Look it up. You just have to give Bradford some help out there. He's going to be good. Give the Rams a few years to rebuild and they could take charge in that desperate division.
20. Detroit Lions (6-10, 3rd in NFC North)
Would it have been a great story for the Lions to make the playoffs in 2010 after winning 2 games from 2008-2009? Sure. And I will be the first one to tell you how impressed I was with Matthew Stafford. Kid's got heart. But you cannot be successful when your second leading receiver is Brandon Pettigrew. It's actually a bylaw in the NFL rulebook. Look it up. You just have to give Calvin Johnson some help out there. He's really good. Give the Lions a few years to rebuild and they could cause some noise in that division. In case you missed my point here, I'm showing you how the Lions and Rams are very similar teams right now, the main difference being Calvin Johnson solidifying Detroit's passing game. But fans of both teams should be pleased with the progress being made.
21. Minnesota Vikings (6-10, 4th in NFC North)
I told Brett Favre, nearly 2 years ago, to hang up the cleats. See for yourself. And now look at the mess he's made. As smooth as you think it may be to text pictures of your dong to various women, it's really just unflattering. Favre went from taking the Vikings to the NFC Championship Game to a total destruction of Minnesota football in 1 year. Takes a whole lot of Adonis DNA to be THAT bipolar. He even brought a snowstorm upon the city that made the roof of the Metrodome collapse. Then again, that's not really Brett's fault, why would they build the roof with the same material used to make bouncy castles? Anyways, Minnesota is going to be in the market for a new QB, it certainly seems to me like they are set with the rest of their offense. We know their defense can play, ranked number 1 in 2009. I honestly believe that Brett Favre caused this 6-10 season. What other explanation can be offered?
22. Houston Texans (6-10, 3rd in AFC South)
Maybe the Texans aren't ever going to make it. Everybody gets so high on them at the beginning of every year but they always come up short. It's been 9 seasons now. Maybe it's time to accept that they just aren't going to be good with this team. And it really is too bad because Andre Johnson is a dominating force and deserves to enjoy some success. Can you imagine if he goes through his career without playing in one playoff game? That is becoming a legitimate concern. Will the Texans ever put everything together? Despite the fact that I continually draft Matt Schaub in fantasy football, maybe he's just not very good.
23. Washington Redskins (6-10, 4th in NFC East)
Remember that Eagles-Redskins game when Michael Vick connected on an 80-yard bomb to Desean Jackson on the first play and then went on to score 35 unanswered points 16 minutes into the game? (not an exaggeration) Well not only did that single-headedly ruin my fantasy football season, but it was possibly the saddest display of defense I have ever seen in the NFL. It felt like I was watching USC versus San Jose State (no offense to any Spartans fans out there). The Redskins simply quit on coach Mike Shanahan, which I personally found to be surprising. I had nothing but the utmost respect for Shanahan when he coached the Broncos, despite how much I disliked him. But not even he could get this team going. A 34-year old Donovan McNabb and Rex Grossman (at any age) isn't going to cut it at quarterback. Interesting how many teams struggle at that position, huh?
24. Dallas Cowboys (6-10, 3rd in NFC East)
And the runner up for the title of most disappointing underachieving performance of all time goes to... Ryan Leaf! Congratulations Ryan. And that means that our champion is the 2010 Dallas Cowboys! What a joke right? Weren't the Cowboys supposed to win the Super Bowl this year. That was ALL I heard coming into the season. And don't give me the "Tony Romo got injured, and Kitna ruined our season" argument. He didn't get hurt until week 7, when the Cowboys were already 1-5. He also had 7 INTS in the first 5 games, not that any Dallas fans remember that. And Romo is obviously an upgrade from Kitna, but he's not Roger Staubach. There was so much more to blame for the Cowboys season than Romo's injury. Their pass defense was atrocious. In week 8, the 27th ranked Jaguars offense went off for 35 against Dallas. David Garrard (not exactly the most frightening QB in the league) had an 81% completion percentage (highest of season), a sultry average of 12.38 yards per pass attempt (highest of his NINE YEAR CAREER), threw for 4 TDs (also a career high), and a 157.8 passer rating (near perfect... and a career high). Embarrassing? I'd say so. Also, I hope David Garrard appreciates how much research I just did on him, probably the first time someone has even searched his name on ESPN.
25. Tennessee Titans (6-10, 4th in AFC South)
Kerry Collins or Vince Young? Who really cares? In my opinion, they have both played out as far as they are gonna go. For Collins, it's simply age. He was the oldest player on the 2010 team, except for Jeff Fisher's mustache. And Young, aside from scoring a -14 on the Wonderlic Test, has the maturity level and emotional capacity of a 6 year old. Let's hope that the new coach recognizes the need for a new "quarterback of the future" who isn't named Rusty Smith. Not even Chris "Dust Trail" Johnson could elevate the rush offense into the better half of the league. The Titans finished in the bottom half in all of the major offensive and defensive categories and even Rob Bironas fell from place kicking grace in 2007 to T-13th in 2010. Don't see much from the Titans in the next few years.
26. San Francisco 49ers (6-10, 3rd in NFC West)
Well crap, if the Niners couldn't take the division this year, maybe it's not going to happen. I thought that with their defense and their ridiculously easy schedule, they were all lined up for a 10-win season and a playoff run. But noooooo. They opened up the season with a 31-6 meltdown against the Seahawks, and the tone was set. They started 0-5 and even though they crawled back into contention, they lost a key game to St. Louis in week 16. I don't think Alex Smith is going to work out. I know it's tough because they used a number one pick on him, but he's a bust. I would be surprised if Troy Smith proves to be the solution but he won 3 of his 6 starts, whereas Smith won 3 of his 10. And it doesn't help that their best player, Frank Gore, only had 3 TDs in the 11 games he played.
27. Cleveland Browns (5-11, 3rd in AFC East)
Promising flashes of life out there in Cleveland. Seems like I've been talking a lot about how easy most of these team's schedules have been, but the Browns played a murderous one. They played 9 games against 7 playoff teams (Baltimore and Pittsburgh twice) with a combined record of 83-29. Their most impressive victory was week 9 against the 14-2 Patriots. And it wasn't close. The Browns ran the ball down the Patriots collective throat. Peyton Hillis ran for 184 and 2 TDs. Chansi Stuckey and Colt McCoy also notched rushing touchdowns. The Browns D, which I praised to an extent last year, completely baffled Brady and the Pats offense, forcing 3 turnovers and allowing just 14 points. The Browns won convincingly 34-14. It's hard to believe that a team that trounced New England so badly lost games to the Bills, Jaguars, and Bengals. I think with an easier schedule, we could see this Browns team around .500 or better.
28. Arizona Cardinals (5-11, 4th in NFC West)
Well there's not much to say when you are the worst team in the worst division EVER. 31st in the league in passing offense, 32nd in in rushing offense. How did they score points??? 23rd in passing defense, 30th in rushing defense. It's shocking that this team managed to win 5 games. Maybe they just had really, really good special teams. Honestly, I have very little commentary here. Derek Anderson, nice pick up there. That's all I got.
29. Cincinnati Bengals (4-12, 4th in AFC North)
You gotta feel bad for Carson Palmer. Heisman winner out of USC, he just hasn't been the same since that knee injury in 2005. That year he set a career high for TDs (32), completion percentage (67.8%), and QB rating (101.1). He also set a low for INTs with 12. Palmer has not put up numbers like that since. The Bengals did make a playoff appearance last year, riding their running game and defense. But no one ever really took them seriously, and they were bounced in round one by the Jets. On top of that, the team is just not together as a unit. Chad Ochocinco hates Marvin Lewis. Marvin Lewis hates being awake during football games. It's just a bad situation in Cicny.
30. Buffalo Bills (4-12, 4th in AFC East)
I don't have the willpower to check to see if any other team has ever lost 3 overtime games in one season. It's fitting that the Bills have done this seeing as they lost 4 straight Super Bowls in the early 90's. Their only 4 victories in 2010 were against the 6 win Lions, the 4 win Bengals, the 5 win Browns, and the 7 win Dolphins. They did however play a tough schedule, including the Pats and Jets twice, both teams who made the Super Bowl, the Bears, and the Ravens. Meaning that they played 6 of the top 7 teams on this list. Ryan Fitzpatrick accumulated exactly 3000 yards... so that's cool. But I suppose after an 0-8 start, a 4-4 finish was better than could have been expected. Just move them to Toronto already.
31. Denver Broncos (4-12, 4th in AFC West)
I would like to personally congratulate Josh "Poopyface" McDaniels on his wildly successful stint as coach of the Broncos. Mike Shanahan who? Let's look at some of his achievements. He shipped off Jay Cutler to Chicago, so he could play in NFC Championship games. How selfless. He got rid of Brandon Marshall because he only had 20 catches in a game and that's just not good enough for Poopyface. And he traded Peyton Hillis, because who wants a white running back? He also jumped up to STEAL Tim Tebow in the first round of the draft. Unfortunately Tebow was too busy refusing sex from every beautiful woman on the planet to play in the first three-fourths of the season. And anytime you have Kyle Orton just SITTING on the bench, you gotta give him and his neckbeard some playing time. But I suppose the Denver Broncos organization didn't appreciate everything that McDaniels did for them, as he was fired following the season. And who do they get? The former coach of the 2-14 Panthers, John Fox. What a savvy move! They LITERALLY picked up the ONLY coach in the NFL WORSE than Josh McDaniels. Which leads me to...
32. Carolina Panthers (2-14, 4th in NFC South)
I would like to point out that the Panthers only wins came against the teams that finished 3rd and 4th in the worst division in the history of the NFL. And they won those games by a combined 10 points. The Panthers had by far the lowest points scored (196, 75 points less than Cleveland at number 31). They also had by far the worst point differential (-212, 67 points worse than Arizona). They averaged 115.4 yards on the ground, which would have been fine if they hadn't been throwing for a league worst 143.1 yards in the air. Rookie QB Jimmy Clausen played in 12 games, threw 3 TDs, 9 INTs, and failed to break 200 yards in any single game. Matt Moore played in just 6 games, but still managed to throw even more INTs than Clausen (10). No running back cracked 800 yards on the season, and no wide receiver made it to 600. This team is a mess. Even with that number 1 pick in the draft, I am not hopeful for the Panthers in the coming years.
Thanks for sticking with me through these 2 massive posts, I promise I'll try to keep them short and sweet... Except for the next one, in which I will break down, in excrutiating detail, the upcoming MLB season.
