So I decide to take a weekend trip to Santa Barbara to stay with my sister, just for a few days, and apparently while I was gone, the Cleveland Cavaliers forgot how to play basketball. What the hell happened? They won 8 straight games, by a combined 124 points, they breezed into the conference finals. LeBron was being LeBron, and he was getting help from his teammates too. Everything appeared to be on course.
So what went wrong? First of all, some credit should be given to the Orlando Magic. After defeating the Celtics, I believe they had somewhat of a revelation, that went something like this: "Heeey, we have the best center in the league, and every other player on our team shoots at least 85% from three... maybe we should dump the ball into Howard, and shoot a lot of 3s..." Bingo! This worked out quite well seeing as the only people the Cavaliers have to guard Howard are Zydrunas Ilgauskas (an older, less graceful version of Pau Gasol) and what appears to be a Troll Doll wearing a sweatband.
So that's what I have to say about the Magic. They are playing fine, we aren't worried about them.
The rest of the blame for what has happened to the Cavs falls squarely on themselves. LeBron is still scoring, that can't be it. The rest of his team is producing about how they did during the regular season, I mean lets face it, no one else on that team really needs to do much. So if they are scoring enough... um... Oh that's right! They are playing horrific defense.
Hey Cavaliers! Maybe you should write this down or something. You are playing horrific defense. Seriously, you guys aren't stopping anyone! I know the Magic are making a ridiculous number of 3s but you gotta stick your hand in their face, you gotta stay on them off the ball. Hell, pull down their pants when they aren't looking. Do something for heavens' sake!
Now, with the series at 3-1 in favor of the Magic, I realize it isn't over yet. The Cavs get the next one at home (where they lost only 1 legitimate game during the regular season) and if they can steal a tough game 6 at Orlando, they might have a shot.
But, in reality, this series should be over already. The Magic have outplayed the Cavaliers in each of the first 4 games, and if LeBron James wasn't 250 pounds of amazing, yesterday's game would have completed a 4-game sweep for the Magic.
I don't want to sound like an NBA representative, but the nation wants to see Kobe vs. LeBron (even though there really is no argument about who is better right now, seriously don't get me started on Vitamin Water's Great Debate crap) and the NBA wants whatever the people want. I have been looking forward to LeBron James' second NBA finals appearance (and first one with a legitimate shot at winning), I think as an individual, he deserves it more than anyone. But as a member of a collective team, he doesn't deserve it nearly as much as each player who dons the Orlando jersey.
I think maybe its time to give up on the idea of LeBron winning a championship in Cleveland altogether. He will be gone in the next 2 years, and he will get a chance to play with a big market team, and he will win plenty of championships in the future.
As for 2009, I have only one question for you - Do you believe in Magic?
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Is the "Designated Hitter" Rule Tearing Our County in Two?
I think it is.
For those who are unfamiliar with the DH rule, it simply means that in the American League pitchers don't have to play offense, seeing as the vast majority of them couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat. Instead, a designated hitter, who would sit on the bench while the other team was at bat, would come up and hit for the pitcher. This rule was imposed so pitchers could concentrate on pitching, and great hitters could still bat even if they weren't particularly strong on the defensive side.
Lets take a look at exactly what the DH rule has stirred up in Major League Baseball. Before the 1973 season (the first year that employed the use of a designated hitter), everyone played both offense and defense. Everyone was on common ground, everyone was in agreement. However, after 1973, one half of the league decided it didn't like how things were going, so they broke off and created their own separate rules, although they still remained part of the whole. Basically they wanted to recreate America (American league) if you will. The other half held constant. They stuck with the rules that had been used for ages. In essence, they wanted to remain loyal to their Nation (National league).
...... Look me in the eye and tell me this doesn't sound exactly like the civil war.
The DH rule has irked me for years. Maybe its because I am a National League fan, maybe because I always felt that pitchers should have to bat. I can't tell you exactly what I find wrong about it. But due to the shocking revelation addressed above, I'm going to take a Lincoln-esque stance on the issue. We don't necessarily have to eradicate the practice of designating hitting from the game, we just need to make a universal decision. We all use it, or no one does.
Lets face it National Leaguers, since the DH rule was instated, the AL has seen an extremely frightening increase in many offensive categories (I do NOT want to hear the steroid argument here, this is about me and my ideas). Every year they hit more homeruns, they have higher averages, they score more runs. Its because there is no weak spot in the lineup. How often do you find yourself cursing the heavens when you have a 2 out rally going, and you see your pitcher slowly approaching the plate? It seems like it happens to me daily. Because you know 90% of the time he is going to go up there, flail the bat around like an old woman a few times, and strikeout.
However, we do, on occasion, see flashes of brilliance from our hurlers. When you look at pitchers like Carlos Zambrano (a.k.a. "holy crap that can't be their pitcher"), Micah Owings, and Dontrelle Willis, you could make the argument that all pitchers should have to bat. Even Jake Peavy and ex-Padre Woody Williams have left the yard a fair number of times in their careers, anyone with a bat in their hands is dangerous.
So we have now heard both sides of the debate, but since the baseball Gods were so kind to place Andy Sonnanstine on the Earth, we have a story that incorporates elements of both.
Just a quick note: Andy Sonnanstine, in one day, made an astonishing jump from my "Who dat?" list to my "Man, I wish I was as cool as that guy" list.
On Sunday, May 17, 2009, due to a clerical error by the Tampa Bay Rays' coaching staff, pitcher Andy Sonnanstine batted 3rd in the lineup. The first cool thing about this situation is that he just went with it. He was actually excited to get a chance to hit. Evan Longoria, the man who was supposed to bat 3rd, looked like Eva Longoria after a particularly terryfying twist on "Desperate Housewives" (I have been saving that bullet for years), but he was just being a baby.
The most awesome part of the story is when Sonnanstine came up in the 5th inning and shot an rbi double into left field. The Rays went on to score 5 runs in the innings. And Sonnanstine got the win, as the pitcher that is.
So who is to say that pitchers can't fend for themselves at the plate? How would we feel if the NL instated a rule allowing "designated fielders"? Players who can flash the leather particularly well, but are not accomplished hitters, could come in just to play defense every half-inning. How is that any different?
Any way you slice it, it irks me that the two leagues have become so drastically different. We can all learn a lesson from the mistakes of our forefathers. A divided house cannot stand. We need to meet somewhere in the middle here. Is the Appomattox Courthouse still standing?
For those who are unfamiliar with the DH rule, it simply means that in the American League pitchers don't have to play offense, seeing as the vast majority of them couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat. Instead, a designated hitter, who would sit on the bench while the other team was at bat, would come up and hit for the pitcher. This rule was imposed so pitchers could concentrate on pitching, and great hitters could still bat even if they weren't particularly strong on the defensive side.
Lets take a look at exactly what the DH rule has stirred up in Major League Baseball. Before the 1973 season (the first year that employed the use of a designated hitter), everyone played both offense and defense. Everyone was on common ground, everyone was in agreement. However, after 1973, one half of the league decided it didn't like how things were going, so they broke off and created their own separate rules, although they still remained part of the whole. Basically they wanted to recreate America (American league) if you will. The other half held constant. They stuck with the rules that had been used for ages. In essence, they wanted to remain loyal to their Nation (National league).
...... Look me in the eye and tell me this doesn't sound exactly like the civil war.
The DH rule has irked me for years. Maybe its because I am a National League fan, maybe because I always felt that pitchers should have to bat. I can't tell you exactly what I find wrong about it. But due to the shocking revelation addressed above, I'm going to take a Lincoln-esque stance on the issue. We don't necessarily have to eradicate the practice of designating hitting from the game, we just need to make a universal decision. We all use it, or no one does.
Lets face it National Leaguers, since the DH rule was instated, the AL has seen an extremely frightening increase in many offensive categories (I do NOT want to hear the steroid argument here, this is about me and my ideas). Every year they hit more homeruns, they have higher averages, they score more runs. Its because there is no weak spot in the lineup. How often do you find yourself cursing the heavens when you have a 2 out rally going, and you see your pitcher slowly approaching the plate? It seems like it happens to me daily. Because you know 90% of the time he is going to go up there, flail the bat around like an old woman a few times, and strikeout.
However, we do, on occasion, see flashes of brilliance from our hurlers. When you look at pitchers like Carlos Zambrano (a.k.a. "holy crap that can't be their pitcher"), Micah Owings, and Dontrelle Willis, you could make the argument that all pitchers should have to bat. Even Jake Peavy and ex-Padre Woody Williams have left the yard a fair number of times in their careers, anyone with a bat in their hands is dangerous.
So we have now heard both sides of the debate, but since the baseball Gods were so kind to place Andy Sonnanstine on the Earth, we have a story that incorporates elements of both.
Just a quick note: Andy Sonnanstine, in one day, made an astonishing jump from my "Who dat?" list to my "Man, I wish I was as cool as that guy" list.
On Sunday, May 17, 2009, due to a clerical error by the Tampa Bay Rays' coaching staff, pitcher Andy Sonnanstine batted 3rd in the lineup. The first cool thing about this situation is that he just went with it. He was actually excited to get a chance to hit. Evan Longoria, the man who was supposed to bat 3rd, looked like Eva Longoria after a particularly terryfying twist on "Desperate Housewives" (I have been saving that bullet for years), but he was just being a baby.
The most awesome part of the story is when Sonnanstine came up in the 5th inning and shot an rbi double into left field. The Rays went on to score 5 runs in the innings. And Sonnanstine got the win, as the pitcher that is.
So who is to say that pitchers can't fend for themselves at the plate? How would we feel if the NL instated a rule allowing "designated fielders"? Players who can flash the leather particularly well, but are not accomplished hitters, could come in just to play defense every half-inning. How is that any different?
Any way you slice it, it irks me that the two leagues have become so drastically different. We can all learn a lesson from the mistakes of our forefathers. A divided house cannot stand. We need to meet somewhere in the middle here. Is the Appomattox Courthouse still standing?
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Say it Ain't So, Lorenzo
It has come to my attention that one of my favorite NFL players, one of the really good guys who does his job right, has signed with (sighs deeply) the Oakland Raiders. Lorenzo Neal is not a name that everyone recognizes. He plays fullback, which is probably right up there with center as the least appreciated positions in football. He very rarely touched the ball, but for years he plowed through defenders like a freight train to open running lanes for greats such as Eddie George and LaDainian Tomlinson. He is a competitive beast of a man but he was never one to complain or argue. He played with integrity.
If you aren't a Charger fan (or an NFL linebacker who was forced to take on this monster truck at some point in your career) you may not even know who he is. If the NFL had a "Most Underrated Player" award (the pure irony of which would be simply fantastic), Lorenzo Neal would be voted league MUP every year.
Neal started his career with the Saints in 1993. He moved on to the Jets and Buccaneers in the mid-90's and really found his form with the Titans in 1999. This was the year of the Music City Miracle, when the Titans scored on a last second play to defeat the Buffalo Bills in the playoffs. It remains to this day one of the most memorable plays in sports. They went on to play the Rams in the Superbowl, and if Kevin Dyson was 3 inches taller, Lorenzo Neal may have received a well-deserved Superbowl ring.
But because he devoted his last 5 years to the San Diego Stupid Chargers, he remains winless in the championship category. He has since turned to the Baltimore Ravens, with whom he rode to the AFC championship game last year. However, the overall inexperience of the team shined through as they were tossed out by the Steelers.
So now he goes where all legendary sports figures go to die, Oakland. Oakland was once known as a great franchise, especially during the times of John Madden: Coaching genius. But lately (since Rich Gannon's career was ended with his neck injury) they have sunk to the bottom of the NFL toilet. The "commitment to excellence" has become a commitment to excrement, if you ask me. And I would seriously consider retiring before I entered that black hole.
I will not deny, however, that this move scares me a little bit. I know that Darren McFadden is going to be a good player in the NFL (if not a great one) and the jury is still out on Russell, but he has at times showed promise. It pains me greatly to admit that if the Raiders can put all these pieces together, plus Neal and a decent defense... they might be able to steal a few games, maybe break into the 8-8 range. They did win 5 games last season and it would not be going too far to say that a confident, productive Jamarcus Russell could win 3 more games for them.
I wish you all the best Lorenzo, but I must admit that you have lost most of my respect. Just like Mr. Favre, you have fraternized with the enemy and I cannot condone that kind of behavior. Football is the ultimate team sport and trust is of the utmost importance. If you are going to defile that bond, then my trust is obviously lost on you.
Don't come crying back to papa when you realize that the few years you have left will be spent wearing the hated black and silver, losing football games, and clubbing baby seals.
If you aren't a Charger fan (or an NFL linebacker who was forced to take on this monster truck at some point in your career) you may not even know who he is. If the NFL had a "Most Underrated Player" award (the pure irony of which would be simply fantastic), Lorenzo Neal would be voted league MUP every year.
Neal started his career with the Saints in 1993. He moved on to the Jets and Buccaneers in the mid-90's and really found his form with the Titans in 1999. This was the year of the Music City Miracle, when the Titans scored on a last second play to defeat the Buffalo Bills in the playoffs. It remains to this day one of the most memorable plays in sports. They went on to play the Rams in the Superbowl, and if Kevin Dyson was 3 inches taller, Lorenzo Neal may have received a well-deserved Superbowl ring.
But because he devoted his last 5 years to the San Diego Stupid Chargers, he remains winless in the championship category. He has since turned to the Baltimore Ravens, with whom he rode to the AFC championship game last year. However, the overall inexperience of the team shined through as they were tossed out by the Steelers.
So now he goes where all legendary sports figures go to die, Oakland. Oakland was once known as a great franchise, especially during the times of John Madden: Coaching genius. But lately (since Rich Gannon's career was ended with his neck injury) they have sunk to the bottom of the NFL toilet. The "commitment to excellence" has become a commitment to excrement, if you ask me. And I would seriously consider retiring before I entered that black hole.
I will not deny, however, that this move scares me a little bit. I know that Darren McFadden is going to be a good player in the NFL (if not a great one) and the jury is still out on Russell, but he has at times showed promise. It pains me greatly to admit that if the Raiders can put all these pieces together, plus Neal and a decent defense... they might be able to steal a few games, maybe break into the 8-8 range. They did win 5 games last season and it would not be going too far to say that a confident, productive Jamarcus Russell could win 3 more games for them.
I wish you all the best Lorenzo, but I must admit that you have lost most of my respect. Just like Mr. Favre, you have fraternized with the enemy and I cannot condone that kind of behavior. Football is the ultimate team sport and trust is of the utmost importance. If you are going to defile that bond, then my trust is obviously lost on you.
Don't come crying back to papa when you realize that the few years you have left will be spent wearing the hated black and silver, losing football games, and clubbing baby seals.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Steroids and Baseball
First off, I wanted to say that I am not the talented Blake Eaton but rather his accomplice, Edward McCarthy. I guess I'll be a situational writer of sorts. In lieu of the recent revelations of new steroid users, Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez, there are a lot of questions about both baseball's past and its even more uncertain future.
To be honest, baseball has lost me forever. Unlike Blake, who missed the ‘98 team, I moved to San Diego that year. I loved baseball so much that I would actually play games against myself. Ryan and I would play it in his cul de sac every day from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. during summer. It was my life.
Now, it has turned into an abomination. The seeming magic of ‘98 is lost. In light of the recent steroid scandals, how am I supposed to believe that Greg Vaughn hit 50 homers one year, and then dropped off to 45, then under 20 a year for the rest of his career? His disappearance happened almost as suddenly as the Raiders after their super bowl year. And Kevin Brown, he left after a Cy Young quality year for a hundred million dollars to the hated dodgers, where he proceeded to flop, break his hand punching a clubhouse wall (obvious signs of 'roid use) and get traded to the Evil Empire. His ERA jumped from 2.58 in 1998 to 4.81 just 4 years later. We all already know how juiced Caminiti was. If you take those 3 off the team, you are left with the 2009 Padres, a group of incompetence.
And how am I supposed to believe in the magic of that year when the amazing home run race that year between Sammy Sosa and Mark Mcgwire was definitely done on ‘roids and possibly with cork bats.
The problem with the busting of guys with the supposedly squeaky clean image is that I, and everyone else begins to question guys like Albert Pujols, Jimmy Rollins, Adrian Gonzalez, and many others - why should I believe them now? This distrust even spills over into other sports – Chauncey Billups has a career resurgence when he is 32, and past his 2004 Finals MVP prime. LeBron is the most muscular guy I've ever seen, is it because of ‘roids? What about Dwight Howard, a.k.a. Superman, I’ll never know. Everything in sports is suspicious, and it is all because of these original cheaters.
Some may say that baseball became more interesting because of the use of steroids, and that the "integrity of the game" spiel is dumb and outdated, however; what these people fail to realize is that being a spectator just isn't fun when the players aren't humans with extraordinary abilities. Instead, they are juiced up humans with ordinary abilities. The game of baseball loses its magic because of little mistakes like that. It is like watching a supercomputer solve a Sudoku puzzle, or watching the Chargers play the Raiders, or Kobayashi out eating an anorexic, or a Ferrari beating a Prius we all know what the result will be. And thus it is no longer interesting for the intricacies of the event, but the spectacle.
As far as baseball goes, I think that they need to do a couple of things in order to restore the integrity of the game.
1. Salary cap
2. Harsher penalties
3. No more asterisks
4. Invalidate the contracts of steroid positive players
5. Develop a test for HGH
Having a salary cap would do a couple of things for baseball. For example, it would lower the players, salaries, thereby reducing the incentive for players to cheat. In addition, a salary cap would force teams to develop their younger, low cost players. Thus, we would have more interesting teams like the Rays of last year. Also, the new generation of baseball players being produced would drive down the demand for old, overpaid players like Manny.
Also, 50 games for Manny and zero for a-rod are ridiculous punishments. With the increase from no suspension to 50, we saw a dramatic reduction in the number of positive steroid tests. We can assume that a season-long suspension would decrease the incentive to cheat for both the rich players and the significantly poorer minor leaguers.
While we are at it, we mine as well remove the asterisks from players such as Barry Bonds' home run records, Clemens strikeout and win qualifications. If baseball were to straight up delete their records, highly successful players would be deterred from cheating in the first place.
It is an abomination that New York owes A-Rod 275 million over the next nine years when the contract was awarded for falsified performance. What about the Dodgers owing 30 million more over the next two years, when he would get nowhere near that price on the free agent market now. It is ridiculous that teams should be punished for an individual’s mistakes.
The last demand is the most obvious, for with a reliable test to detect HGH use, we would not have to check for auxiliary, easy to cover up drugs, and instead catch the actual steroids. Which reminds me, should we really call Manny’s suspension a steroid punishment or maternity leave … I vote maternity leave.
Without these changes, I don’t think that I will ever be able to call myself a baseball fan. I, a lifetime hater of the NBA have recently turned to it during these playoffs to replace my dependence on channel 4 and the Padres, who should forever be called the Incompetents. I just hope the future record book holders like Jake Peavy and Albert Pujols aren’t caught too.
To be honest, baseball has lost me forever. Unlike Blake, who missed the ‘98 team, I moved to San Diego that year. I loved baseball so much that I would actually play games against myself. Ryan and I would play it in his cul de sac every day from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. during summer. It was my life.
Now, it has turned into an abomination. The seeming magic of ‘98 is lost. In light of the recent steroid scandals, how am I supposed to believe that Greg Vaughn hit 50 homers one year, and then dropped off to 45, then under 20 a year for the rest of his career? His disappearance happened almost as suddenly as the Raiders after their super bowl year. And Kevin Brown, he left after a Cy Young quality year for a hundred million dollars to the hated dodgers, where he proceeded to flop, break his hand punching a clubhouse wall (obvious signs of 'roid use) and get traded to the Evil Empire. His ERA jumped from 2.58 in 1998 to 4.81 just 4 years later. We all already know how juiced Caminiti was. If you take those 3 off the team, you are left with the 2009 Padres, a group of incompetence.
And how am I supposed to believe in the magic of that year when the amazing home run race that year between Sammy Sosa and Mark Mcgwire was definitely done on ‘roids and possibly with cork bats.
The problem with the busting of guys with the supposedly squeaky clean image is that I, and everyone else begins to question guys like Albert Pujols, Jimmy Rollins, Adrian Gonzalez, and many others - why should I believe them now? This distrust even spills over into other sports – Chauncey Billups has a career resurgence when he is 32, and past his 2004 Finals MVP prime. LeBron is the most muscular guy I've ever seen, is it because of ‘roids? What about Dwight Howard, a.k.a. Superman, I’ll never know. Everything in sports is suspicious, and it is all because of these original cheaters.
Some may say that baseball became more interesting because of the use of steroids, and that the "integrity of the game" spiel is dumb and outdated, however; what these people fail to realize is that being a spectator just isn't fun when the players aren't humans with extraordinary abilities. Instead, they are juiced up humans with ordinary abilities. The game of baseball loses its magic because of little mistakes like that. It is like watching a supercomputer solve a Sudoku puzzle, or watching the Chargers play the Raiders, or Kobayashi out eating an anorexic, or a Ferrari beating a Prius we all know what the result will be. And thus it is no longer interesting for the intricacies of the event, but the spectacle.
As far as baseball goes, I think that they need to do a couple of things in order to restore the integrity of the game.
1. Salary cap
2. Harsher penalties
3. No more asterisks
4. Invalidate the contracts of steroid positive players
5. Develop a test for HGH
Having a salary cap would do a couple of things for baseball. For example, it would lower the players, salaries, thereby reducing the incentive for players to cheat. In addition, a salary cap would force teams to develop their younger, low cost players. Thus, we would have more interesting teams like the Rays of last year. Also, the new generation of baseball players being produced would drive down the demand for old, overpaid players like Manny.
Also, 50 games for Manny and zero for a-rod are ridiculous punishments. With the increase from no suspension to 50, we saw a dramatic reduction in the number of positive steroid tests. We can assume that a season-long suspension would decrease the incentive to cheat for both the rich players and the significantly poorer minor leaguers.
While we are at it, we mine as well remove the asterisks from players such as Barry Bonds' home run records, Clemens strikeout and win qualifications. If baseball were to straight up delete their records, highly successful players would be deterred from cheating in the first place.
It is an abomination that New York owes A-Rod 275 million over the next nine years when the contract was awarded for falsified performance. What about the Dodgers owing 30 million more over the next two years, when he would get nowhere near that price on the free agent market now. It is ridiculous that teams should be punished for an individual’s mistakes.
The last demand is the most obvious, for with a reliable test to detect HGH use, we would not have to check for auxiliary, easy to cover up drugs, and instead catch the actual steroids. Which reminds me, should we really call Manny’s suspension a steroid punishment or maternity leave … I vote maternity leave.
Without these changes, I don’t think that I will ever be able to call myself a baseball fan. I, a lifetime hater of the NBA have recently turned to it during these playoffs to replace my dependence on channel 4 and the Padres, who should forever be called the Incompetents. I just hope the future record book holders like Jake Peavy and Albert Pujols aren’t caught too.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Go Away Brett Favre
No no no, wait a minute. I am not a Brett Favre hater. In my honest opinion, Favre is one of the best quarterbacks ever. And I'm not just saying that because of what the records say and what everyone says about him. I have seen him play and his cannon of an arm has not worn out at all over the years. And it's not only his talent, but his physical and mental toughness, that makes him one of the greats.
Brett Favre has played football through pain that any mortal being would find unbearable. He didn't miss a game in nearly 17 seasons, and he didn't just play those games, he dominated those games. And remember when his father died? No one expected him to play that Monday night game. They all said, "Brett, we know you are in unbelievavle grief, no one will blame you if you can't play". But what did he do? He flew into Oakland and carved up the Raiders defense like a Thanksgiving turkey. He was absolutely phenomenal.
There is no reason we shouldn't just go ahead and put him in the Hall of Fame right now. Would anyone really object to that? He gave the Green Bay Packers some of the best years in their history, and no matter who they get to replace him (somewhere, Aaron Rodgers weeps) it will never be the same. Their hearts belong to Brett.
For all those reason, I salute Brett Favre... But that's not what this article is about.
Brett, take it from an admirer, you need to just let it go. Remember last off-season? When you cried and told us it was over? We really thought it was over. But no, you couldn't resist the temptation. We said "Ok, fine, give him one last swan song". And you were wonderful, Brett, you really were. But little Marky Sanchez is there now, and he is the future.
So you retired... again. And now we hear that you want to get in bed with Childress??? Brett he coaches the Vikings!! What are you thinking?! The Packers offered you $20 million NOT to play. Do you realize how many people would immediately take that deal? I like to think every person on the planet would.
We know you love the game. No one can doubt that. And we know that you feel you still have what it takes. But you have played with such intensity for so long, its just not possible to keep going.
If you still need the game in your life, you can be a coach. I mean honestly, who is gonna refuse Brett Favre of a coaching job? Or you could go the broadcast route, some greats have made that transition. But you have already defiled a small portion of the love cheeseheads have for you, don't blow it all by signing with the Vikings. Go out while you are still on top... somewhat.
We love you Brett, but its time to let go...
Brett Favre has played football through pain that any mortal being would find unbearable. He didn't miss a game in nearly 17 seasons, and he didn't just play those games, he dominated those games. And remember when his father died? No one expected him to play that Monday night game. They all said, "Brett, we know you are in unbelievavle grief, no one will blame you if you can't play". But what did he do? He flew into Oakland and carved up the Raiders defense like a Thanksgiving turkey. He was absolutely phenomenal.
There is no reason we shouldn't just go ahead and put him in the Hall of Fame right now. Would anyone really object to that? He gave the Green Bay Packers some of the best years in their history, and no matter who they get to replace him (somewhere, Aaron Rodgers weeps) it will never be the same. Their hearts belong to Brett.
For all those reason, I salute Brett Favre... But that's not what this article is about.
Brett, take it from an admirer, you need to just let it go. Remember last off-season? When you cried and told us it was over? We really thought it was over. But no, you couldn't resist the temptation. We said "Ok, fine, give him one last swan song". And you were wonderful, Brett, you really were. But little Marky Sanchez is there now, and he is the future.
So you retired... again. And now we hear that you want to get in bed with Childress??? Brett he coaches the Vikings!! What are you thinking?! The Packers offered you $20 million NOT to play. Do you realize how many people would immediately take that deal? I like to think every person on the planet would.
We know you love the game. No one can doubt that. And we know that you feel you still have what it takes. But you have played with such intensity for so long, its just not possible to keep going.
If you still need the game in your life, you can be a coach. I mean honestly, who is gonna refuse Brett Favre of a coaching job? Or you could go the broadcast route, some greats have made that transition. But you have already defiled a small portion of the love cheeseheads have for you, don't blow it all by signing with the Vikings. Go out while you are still on top... somewhat.
We love you Brett, but its time to let go...
Will it still be New Yankee Stadium in 50 years?
If you haven't heard the news yet, The New York Yankees spent $1.5 billion (this is NOT an intentional over exaggeration, this is the actual cost) to pay for the construction of their new stadium, which they so brilliantly named "New Yankee Stadium." Nice imagination there, Yankees. I have several problems with the new ball park out there in the Bronx. Firstly, I want to know for how long we are going to call it New Yankee Stadium? Obviously, at some point it will cease to be new (the fans are already getting tired of it... ZING!) and when that point comes, they are going to try and force me to call the old Yankee Stadium... well, Old Yankee Stadium. And I am telling you now, I will not have that.
My second issue is one that I am sure is currently running rampant through the streets of New York. It seems as though every fly ball hit to right field lands 16 rows deep in the bleachers. How could they build this stadium and not realize they created a gigantic wind tunnel that sucks balls even more than the Oakland Raiders offense? (too easy)
I am not just spewing my opinion here, I have stats to back it up. If there is indeed a wind tunnel in right field that is helping fly balls get into the stands, we should see an unexpected rise in home runs from left-handed batters. Let's take a look at one Johnny Damon, shall we? Damon is a left-handed batter known for his speed, NOT for his ability to hit home runs. Damon has never had more than 24 home runs in any single season, and he averages about 14 homers per season for his career. Yeah he already has 5 this year, not even a month in yet. He is on pace to hit more than 35, and if he does, I will bet you all the money in my wallet (about $7 at the moment) that his name will magically appear on the Mitchell Report next year. Note: this joke is hilarious, if you don't get it, you need to look up "Mitchell Report."
So why is this a problem, you ask? Well, the Yankees' pitchers are getting lit up, and Mr. Moneypants, alias George Steinbrenner, is not at all happy about this. He spent a ridiculous amount of money in order to build a rotation including Jaba "the hut"Chamberlain, Chien-Ming Wang (who has an ERA higher than a UCSC student on Arpil 20), and Reuben Studdard (altough I think he goes by C.C. now).
Wouldn't you be pissed if you spent all that money, only to have your investments choke like the Chicago Cubs in the NL championship game? (sorry mom and dad...)
So i suppose that brings us to the reason for all this insanity. Do you remember that David Ortiz jersey some Boston Red Sox fan tried to bury underneath New Yankee Stadium? Well, if you don't, some Boston Red Sox fan tried to bury a David Ortiz jersey underneath New Yankee Stadium. He claims he was attmepting to lay a curse on the Yankees, and I would take that threat seriously. The Red Sox know about curses all right.
However, I do not believe that this was a straight-up "no championships for 100 years or so" curse. I think by attempting to bury that magical jersey down there in that $1.5 billion dirt, the Yankees have been connected to Red Sox slugger David Ortiz.
Like the Yankees early in the season, Ortiz has also been acheiving well below what his salary would indicate. He is yet to hit a home run (and this is a guy who is capable of 50+ in a season), he has only 13 rbi in 26 games, meaning he is on pace to finish well below 100, and his slugging percentage is just .333 (for those of you who aren't familiar with what a .333 "slug %" means, well... its freaking horrendous for a guy like Ortiz).
Hey Yankees' fans! Listen up! This is the part you are going to enjoy.
I don't care how many times Jacobi Ellsbury steals home, if David Ortiz does not get going, the Red Sox will not make the playoffs. Especially now, with Manny gone (sorry Boston, he is busy wrecking our division now).
Hey Yankees' fans! .... You might wanna stop reading here...
Unfortunately for you New Yorkers, I'm afraid that, due to the aforementioned connection, if Ortiz isn't producing, your precious Yankees won't be either. And what does that leave me to work with? The Toronto Blue Jays??? I am gonna have to do a lot of research before I am ready to write a post about them winning the AL east... I feel dirty just thinking about it.
My second issue is one that I am sure is currently running rampant through the streets of New York. It seems as though every fly ball hit to right field lands 16 rows deep in the bleachers. How could they build this stadium and not realize they created a gigantic wind tunnel that sucks balls even more than the Oakland Raiders offense? (too easy)
I am not just spewing my opinion here, I have stats to back it up. If there is indeed a wind tunnel in right field that is helping fly balls get into the stands, we should see an unexpected rise in home runs from left-handed batters. Let's take a look at one Johnny Damon, shall we? Damon is a left-handed batter known for his speed, NOT for his ability to hit home runs. Damon has never had more than 24 home runs in any single season, and he averages about 14 homers per season for his career. Yeah he already has 5 this year, not even a month in yet. He is on pace to hit more than 35, and if he does, I will bet you all the money in my wallet (about $7 at the moment) that his name will magically appear on the Mitchell Report next year. Note: this joke is hilarious, if you don't get it, you need to look up "Mitchell Report."
So why is this a problem, you ask? Well, the Yankees' pitchers are getting lit up, and Mr. Moneypants, alias George Steinbrenner, is not at all happy about this. He spent a ridiculous amount of money in order to build a rotation including Jaba "the hut"Chamberlain, Chien-Ming Wang (who has an ERA higher than a UCSC student on Arpil 20), and Reuben Studdard (altough I think he goes by C.C. now).
Wouldn't you be pissed if you spent all that money, only to have your investments choke like the Chicago Cubs in the NL championship game? (sorry mom and dad...)
So i suppose that brings us to the reason for all this insanity. Do you remember that David Ortiz jersey some Boston Red Sox fan tried to bury underneath New Yankee Stadium? Well, if you don't, some Boston Red Sox fan tried to bury a David Ortiz jersey underneath New Yankee Stadium. He claims he was attmepting to lay a curse on the Yankees, and I would take that threat seriously. The Red Sox know about curses all right.
However, I do not believe that this was a straight-up "no championships for 100 years or so" curse. I think by attempting to bury that magical jersey down there in that $1.5 billion dirt, the Yankees have been connected to Red Sox slugger David Ortiz.
Like the Yankees early in the season, Ortiz has also been acheiving well below what his salary would indicate. He is yet to hit a home run (and this is a guy who is capable of 50+ in a season), he has only 13 rbi in 26 games, meaning he is on pace to finish well below 100, and his slugging percentage is just .333 (for those of you who aren't familiar with what a .333 "slug %" means, well... its freaking horrendous for a guy like Ortiz).
Hey Yankees' fans! Listen up! This is the part you are going to enjoy.
I don't care how many times Jacobi Ellsbury steals home, if David Ortiz does not get going, the Red Sox will not make the playoffs. Especially now, with Manny gone (sorry Boston, he is busy wrecking our division now).
Hey Yankees' fans! .... You might wanna stop reading here...
Unfortunately for you New Yorkers, I'm afraid that, due to the aforementioned connection, if Ortiz isn't producing, your precious Yankees won't be either. And what does that leave me to work with? The Toronto Blue Jays??? I am gonna have to do a lot of research before I am ready to write a post about them winning the AL east... I feel dirty just thinking about it.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Ode to P-Willy (This one's for you, Johnny)
Let's not kid ourselves, no one has cared about the San Francisco 49ers since the late 80's. Sure they won the Super Bowl in 1995, but all they had to do was defeat the Chargers for that one, and as my last post proves so thoroughly, that's not much opposition. Back in the good old days, when Jerry Rice wasn't hopelessly attempting to prolong his career with the Jokeland Raiders, and Steve Young was actually playing football, not just mercilessly criticizing those who play it now. As any 49ers fan will so politely tell you, those days are long gone.
But I have recently seen a glimmer of hope in that vapid wasteland of an NFL franchise.
My buddy Johnny, he came to me one cold evening and told me about one Patrick Willis (remember the name, Superbowl XLVI MVP... just you wait). He shows me a clip of this guy, a linebacker, running down a wide receiver on the sidelines. Let me translate for all you non-football folk: This large, buff guy chases and catches (from behind!) a smaller guy whose job it is to be fast. At first, I thought it was a clip from a Madden Football game. I couldn't believe. That combination of speed and power is, dare i say it, almost Herculean.
But P-Willy isn't the only talent they have out there by the bay, oh no. I have seen, first-hand, the potential of RB Frank Gore (The use of "first-hand" in that last sentence should have made all you Niners fans squirm). There is also a beast of a man at the tight end position named Vernon Davis. I always take this guy in my Madden fantasy season draft. He is, in my opinion, a hybrid of a wide receiver, an offensive lineman, and the grizzly bear that out-ate Kobayashi.
I am going to use some restraint and only take one legitimate cheap shot at the 49ers: Alex Smith...
But hey! Things are looking up. You got some help from Sith lord Al Davis in the draft this year and somehow were able to snag Michael Crabtree at #10 (And you ALL know he was top 5 talent). And the NFC West is looking mighty crappy for this upcoming season. I mean seriously, let's take a look at your competition:
The Seattle Seahawks have inexplicably fallen off the map following their loss in the Super Bowl to the Steelers a few years ago. They lost Alexander and Hasselbeck has been unable to fend off injury.
The Arizona Cardinals were, for all intents and purposes, a one-hit wonder (like the 2007 Colorado Rockies, or the Baja Men... I never did figure out who let those dogs out......).
And the St. Louis Rams... well honestly, they couldn't defend the goal line against a troupe of blind girl scouts.
All I'm saying is the competition looks weak. And with Mike Singletary (former NFL star, and registered badass) at the helm, I would not be the least surprised to see the 49ers taking the NFC west crown in the 2009-2010 season.
Will they advance further than the first or second game? No (be reasonable here people, the entire NFC east is ridiculous). But, it will be a positive step. And for those of you who are shaking your head while reading this, go look for some tape of Patrick Willis. Is that the kind of monster you want to meet in a dark alley?
But I have recently seen a glimmer of hope in that vapid wasteland of an NFL franchise.
My buddy Johnny, he came to me one cold evening and told me about one Patrick Willis (remember the name, Superbowl XLVI MVP... just you wait). He shows me a clip of this guy, a linebacker, running down a wide receiver on the sidelines. Let me translate for all you non-football folk: This large, buff guy chases and catches (from behind!) a smaller guy whose job it is to be fast. At first, I thought it was a clip from a Madden Football game. I couldn't believe. That combination of speed and power is, dare i say it, almost Herculean.
But P-Willy isn't the only talent they have out there by the bay, oh no. I have seen, first-hand, the potential of RB Frank Gore (The use of "first-hand" in that last sentence should have made all you Niners fans squirm). There is also a beast of a man at the tight end position named Vernon Davis. I always take this guy in my Madden fantasy season draft. He is, in my opinion, a hybrid of a wide receiver, an offensive lineman, and the grizzly bear that out-ate Kobayashi.
I am going to use some restraint and only take one legitimate cheap shot at the 49ers: Alex Smith...
But hey! Things are looking up. You got some help from Sith lord Al Davis in the draft this year and somehow were able to snag Michael Crabtree at #10 (And you ALL know he was top 5 talent). And the NFC West is looking mighty crappy for this upcoming season. I mean seriously, let's take a look at your competition:
The Seattle Seahawks have inexplicably fallen off the map following their loss in the Super Bowl to the Steelers a few years ago. They lost Alexander and Hasselbeck has been unable to fend off injury.
The Arizona Cardinals were, for all intents and purposes, a one-hit wonder (like the 2007 Colorado Rockies, or the Baja Men... I never did figure out who let those dogs out......).
And the St. Louis Rams... well honestly, they couldn't defend the goal line against a troupe of blind girl scouts.
All I'm saying is the competition looks weak. And with Mike Singletary (former NFL star, and registered badass) at the helm, I would not be the least surprised to see the 49ers taking the NFC west crown in the 2009-2010 season.
Will they advance further than the first or second game? No (be reasonable here people, the entire NFC east is ridiculous). But, it will be a positive step. And for those of you who are shaking your head while reading this, go look for some tape of Patrick Willis. Is that the kind of monster you want to meet in a dark alley?
San Diego Living
Alright don't get me wrong, I love San Diego. As far as I am concerned, it is the best city in the world to live in. You could make an argument for New York. You might be able to make me consider Paris, but I have no intention of changing my mind. The weather is always perfect. We love the sunshine, and guess what? We love it when it rains, too! You really can't get it wrong here. The beach is right there (I mean seriously, look to your left, it is right there). People are laid back and friendly. What more could you want?
Well, I am going to field my own rhetorical question here and tell you what more I could want.
Now, I have talked to other people, this isn't just me here. San Diego, despite all of its splendor, may be home to the worst collection of sports franchises in the US (I would have said "in the world" but... Canada...). San Diego has never won a championship in a professional sporting league. That's right I said never. I could count the number of championship game/series appearances on three of the fingers on my left hand. Just to give you a point of reference, since 1923, the New York Yankees (this is one baseball team we are talking about here) have won 16, 403 championships. Note: That is a rough estimate, I might be off a bit on that.
And its not that San Diego has not seen its fair share of talent. Perhaps you have heard of Tony Gwynn, the single greatest Padre in history? Maybe you have heard conversation about LaDainian Tomlinson, record holder for most touchdowns in a season ever? Wouldn't you think that at some point we would catch fire, or a break, and steal just one little championship? I certainly would.
Maybe my view of the Padres and the Chargers has been skewed by my relationship with them. You see, I have only been following San Diego sports since 1999. The funny thing is, the Padres had arguably their best season and playoff run in 1998. Yeah I missed it. And since then, they have accomplished very little, unless you want to count the overall devastation of my faith in them. They have done just a fantastic job there.
As for the Chargers, well I thought that 14-2 season was gonna be it, the end to all my suffering. If it weren't for Troy Brown (and possibly the worst mental mistake i have seen on a football field committed by one Marlon McCree) I have no doubt in my mind that we would all be wearing San Diego Chargers 2006 NFL champion memorabilia. Also, I wouldn't be sitting at my computer whining about the Chargers, and I wouldn't have to ridicule the song by singing the wrong words ("San Diego... STUPID Chargers!!") every time I hear it.
So to summarize those last 2 paragraphs... They have both sucked since I started watching.
Again, don't get me wrong, I love these teams as much as I love the city. I will always be a Chargers fan, until the day that I die. It is something that is hard-wired into my DNA. I will be with them at the highest points of their triumphs, and at the lowest times of their defeats. I know that they always play with integrity (which is more than I can say for other teams... Oh you bet your ass I'm looking at you Oakland!) and I know that no matter how much it hurts, the love I give to them is not unrequited.
Well, I am going to field my own rhetorical question here and tell you what more I could want.
Now, I have talked to other people, this isn't just me here. San Diego, despite all of its splendor, may be home to the worst collection of sports franchises in the US (I would have said "in the world" but... Canada...). San Diego has never won a championship in a professional sporting league. That's right I said never. I could count the number of championship game/series appearances on three of the fingers on my left hand. Just to give you a point of reference, since 1923, the New York Yankees (this is one baseball team we are talking about here) have won 16, 403 championships. Note: That is a rough estimate, I might be off a bit on that.
And its not that San Diego has not seen its fair share of talent. Perhaps you have heard of Tony Gwynn, the single greatest Padre in history? Maybe you have heard conversation about LaDainian Tomlinson, record holder for most touchdowns in a season ever? Wouldn't you think that at some point we would catch fire, or a break, and steal just one little championship? I certainly would.
Maybe my view of the Padres and the Chargers has been skewed by my relationship with them. You see, I have only been following San Diego sports since 1999. The funny thing is, the Padres had arguably their best season and playoff run in 1998. Yeah I missed it. And since then, they have accomplished very little, unless you want to count the overall devastation of my faith in them. They have done just a fantastic job there.
As for the Chargers, well I thought that 14-2 season was gonna be it, the end to all my suffering. If it weren't for Troy Brown (and possibly the worst mental mistake i have seen on a football field committed by one Marlon McCree) I have no doubt in my mind that we would all be wearing San Diego Chargers 2006 NFL champion memorabilia. Also, I wouldn't be sitting at my computer whining about the Chargers, and I wouldn't have to ridicule the song by singing the wrong words ("San Diego... STUPID Chargers!!") every time I hear it.
So to summarize those last 2 paragraphs... They have both sucked since I started watching.
Again, don't get me wrong, I love these teams as much as I love the city. I will always be a Chargers fan, until the day that I die. It is something that is hard-wired into my DNA. I will be with them at the highest points of their triumphs, and at the lowest times of their defeats. I know that they always play with integrity (which is more than I can say for other teams... Oh you bet your ass I'm looking at you Oakland!) and I know that no matter how much it hurts, the love I give to them is not unrequited.
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