Will it still be New Yankee Stadium in 50 years?

If you haven't heard the news yet, The New York Yankees spent $1.5 billion (this is NOT an intentional over exaggeration, this is the actual cost) to pay for the construction of their new stadium, which they so brilliantly named "New Yankee Stadium." Nice imagination there, Yankees. I have several problems with the new ball park out there in the Bronx. Firstly, I want to know for how long we are going to call it New Yankee Stadium? Obviously, at some point it will cease to be new (the fans are already getting tired of it... ZING!) and when that point comes, they are going to try and force me to call the old Yankee Stadium... well, Old Yankee Stadium. And I am telling you now, I will not have that.

My second issue is one that I am sure is currently running rampant through the streets of New York. It seems as though every fly ball hit to right field lands 16 rows deep in the bleachers. How could they build this stadium and not realize they created a gigantic wind tunnel that sucks balls even more than the Oakland Raiders offense? (too easy)

I am not just spewing my opinion here, I have stats to back it up. If there is indeed a wind tunnel in right field that is helping fly balls get into the stands, we should see an unexpected rise in home runs from left-handed batters. Let's take a look at one Johnny Damon, shall we? Damon is a left-handed batter known for his speed, NOT for his ability to hit home runs. Damon has never had more than 24 home runs in any single season, and he averages about 14 homers per season for his career. Yeah he already has 5 this year, not even a month in yet. He is on pace to hit more than 35, and if he does, I will bet you all the money in my wallet (about $7 at the moment) that his name will magically appear on the Mitchell Report next year. Note: this joke is hilarious, if you don't get it, you need to look up "Mitchell Report."

So why is this a problem, you ask? Well, the Yankees' pitchers are getting lit up, and Mr. Moneypants, alias George Steinbrenner, is not at all happy about this. He spent a ridiculous amount of money in order to build a rotation including Jaba "the hut"Chamberlain, Chien-Ming Wang (who has an ERA higher than a UCSC student on Arpil 20), and Reuben Studdard (altough I think he goes by C.C. now).

Wouldn't you be pissed if you spent all that money, only to have your investments choke like the Chicago Cubs in the NL championship game? (sorry mom and dad...)

So i suppose that brings us to the reason for all this insanity. Do you remember that David Ortiz jersey some Boston Red Sox fan tried to bury underneath New Yankee Stadium? Well, if you don't, some Boston Red Sox fan tried to bury a David Ortiz jersey underneath New Yankee Stadium. He claims he was attmepting to lay a curse on the Yankees, and I would take that threat seriously. The Red Sox know about curses all right.

However, I do not believe that this was a straight-up "no championships for 100 years or so" curse. I think by attempting to bury that magical jersey down there in that $1.5 billion dirt, the Yankees have been connected to Red Sox slugger David Ortiz.

Like the Yankees early in the season, Ortiz has also been acheiving well below what his salary would indicate. He is yet to hit a home run (and this is a guy who is capable of 50+ in a season), he has only 13 rbi in 26 games, meaning he is on pace to finish well below 100, and his slugging percentage is just .333 (for those of you who aren't familiar with what a .333 "slug %" means, well... its freaking horrendous for a guy like Ortiz).

Hey Yankees' fans! Listen up! This is the part you are going to enjoy.

I don't care how many times Jacobi Ellsbury steals home, if David Ortiz does not get going, the Red Sox will not make the playoffs. Especially now, with Manny gone (sorry Boston, he is busy wrecking our division now).

Hey Yankees' fans! .... You might wanna stop reading here...

Unfortunately for you New Yorkers, I'm afraid that, due to the aforementioned connection, if Ortiz isn't producing, your precious Yankees won't be either. And what does that leave me to work with? The Toronto Blue Jays??? I am gonna have to do a lot of research before I am ready to write a post about them winning the AL east... I feel dirty just thinking about it.