NHL Playoff Preview

Let me begin with a disclaimer: I do not pretend to be an NHL expert. For years, my loyalties have resided with the NFL, MLB, and NBA. A month ago, I might have been able to name 10 professional hockey players, mainly from hearing names on SportsCenter and from watching the Gold Medal game at the 2010 Winter Olympics. But 30 days ago, on March 11, 2012, I sat down to a Kings-Blackhawks game. I had promised to follow hockey for a week to get a glimpse into its world. But I soon found that a week was not enough. I developed feelings for the Kings, akin to those I feel for the Chargers. My heart pounded in overtime periods and sudden death shootouts. I felt the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. And when the Sharks’ Ryane Clowe, while sitting on the bench, reached over and poked the puck away from a rushing Jarret Stoll, I felt more anger than I had since Ed Hochuli screwed the Chargers in 2008. Mock me if you will. Call me a bandwagon fan for rooting for the Kings (and Clippers). But I am a connoisseur of sports, and when San Diego doesn’t provide me a team, I must venture north to find my own. The Kings have earned a place in my heart.

That being said, I am clearly biased, so take my analysis with a grain of salt. Also, my month of hockey fanship has been focused greatly on the Pacific division, so my knowledge of the rest of the NHL (especially the Eastern conference) is seriously lacking. But I forge on nonetheless.

Western Conference:

Vancouver Canucks (1) vs. LA Kings (8)

Not the first round matchup I was hoping for. Not only are the Canucks the best regular season team in the NHL for the second straight season, but the Kings enter the playoffs in the midst of a downward spiral, unable to protect 2 goal leads in back to back games against the San Jose Sharks (not to mention dropping a shootout to the Minnesota Wild, which should never happen to a playoff team). However, the Kings managed to split the season series (2-2) with the Canucks and if goalie Jonathan Quick plays to potential (league leading 10 shutouts this season) the Kings might have a chance. As much as I would love to agree with Barry Melrose, I find it much more likely that the Kings make an early exit.

Prediction: Canucks in 6

St. Louis Blues (2) vs. San Jose Sharks (7)

St. Louis led the Western Conference for much of the season, but saw a late slide (4-4-4 in their last 12 games) sink them into 2^nd place, finishing just 2 points behind the surging Canucks. The Sharks on the other hand, made a strong playoff push, finishing on a 7-2 run, grabbing a playoff spot after trailing several teams (Calgary, Colorado, Dallas) who did not qualify for the postseason. That being said, the Blues swept the season series 4-0 and the Sharks have clear defensive issues. They will have to score a lot (against the number 1 defense in terms of goals allowed) to have a shot here.

Prediction: Blues in 5

Phoenix Coyotes (3) vs. Chicago Blackhawks (6)

I only paid attention to the Coyotes at the very end of the season, while the Kings were fighting them for the Pacific division. So I only saw them go 5-0 down the stretch, scoring 16 goals in those games. Naturally, I assumed they were an offensive juggernaut. Looking at the season statistics, however, they are run of the mill offensively, but have a startlingly stingy defense. Great. The Coyotes seem to be getting hot at exactly the right time. And despite finishing 4 points behind Chicago, they get home ice because they won their division. I also believe them to be the better team at this moment.

Prediction: Coyotes in 6

Nashville Predators (4) vs. Detroit Red Wings (5)

Kind of like an 8-9 matchup in March Madness. These teams were separated by just 2 points in the final standings. They had the same number of wins; Nashville just managed to lose in OT two more times than Detroit. Not much difference at all. What’s important to note here is that the Red Wings were the single most bipolar team this year, when it came to playing at home and playing on the road. You may remember that the Wings set a record with 23 consecutive home wins, en route to an overall 31-7-3 home record. However, they finished 17-21-4 in road contests, not a mark that would imply enough success to grab a 5 seed. This is why it was so important for Nashville to gain the home ice advantage here. It will be a tough, competitive series, but the Predators prevail in the end.

Prediction: Predators in 7

Eastern Conference:

New York Rangers (1) vs. Ottawa Senators (8)

Look at the preseason power rankings that came out way back in October. Now start scrolling down. Keep scrolling. Little more. And there they are. The Ottawa Senators, all the way at the bottom in dead last. Now, Mr. Scott Burnside, whoever you are, I get it. It is extremely difficult to make predictions like that before real games have been played. But come on man! You have to get the 30 spot right! They don’t have to finish dead last, but your cellar dweller has to dwell somewhere in the cellar. They cannot be in playoff contention, and they certainly cannot MAKE the playoffs. It’ll be interesting to see if Burnside gets to do the rankings next year. But I digress. As for the series, not going to be close. It’s great that Ottawa made it this far; it’s great for that franchise and Canada as a whole. But New York will dominate them in the only first round sweep I’m willing to call.

Prediction: Rangers in 4

Boston Bruins (2) vs. Washington Capitals (7)

The Bruins seem to me to be pretty solid. They are 2^nd in goals scored, and 6^th in goals allowed. We all know that Tim Thomas can get hot (see 2011 Stanley Cup playoffs). And it wouldn’t be shocking to see the Bruins make another deep playoff run. The real question here is the Capitals. This was a team that was supposed to breeze to the Southeast division title (they had won it the past 4 years straight). This was a team, led by Alex Ovechkin, that was supposed to compete for the top spot in the Eastern Conference. This was a team that started 7-0-0! And yet this was also a team that nearly missed the playoffs, and a team that was sloppy and disorganized and unmotivated. I do believe that Ovechkin is good enough to propel his team to a couple wins, but consistency wins out for Boston.

Prediction: Bruins in 6

Florida Panthers (3) vs. New Jersey Devils (6)

Well we are finally going to have an upset here… technically. The Panthers took advantage of the Capitals inconsistency by snagging the division title with just 94 points (perspective: the Kings finished with 95 points… and the 8 seed in the West). That is the lowest point total for a division winner since the Tampa Bay Lightning won that same Southeast division with 93 points in the 2002-2003 season. Much unlike the 3-6 series in the Western division, the 6 seed seems much more the safer bet. The Devils racked up 102 points, 8 more than Florida, and touted one of the league’s best defenses (ranking first in the penalty kill). And to top it off, the Panthers had a goal differential of -24, which is absolutely mindboggling. Obviously the lowest for a playoff team. And there were even 5 teams that missed the playoffs (Buffalo, Winnipeg, Montreal, Dallas, Colorado) who had a better goal differential than Florida. It’s kinda like when the Seahawks won the NFC West with a 7-9 record and a -97 point differential… except that they went on to beat the Saints in the playoffs. Don’t expect similar results here.

Prediction: Devils in 5

Pittsburgh Penguins (4) vs. Philadelphia Flyers (5)

Fun fact: Pittsburgh and Philadelphia are 304.6 miles apart, which is dumb because I was under the impression that they were right next to each other. I mean, Pennsylvania is not a large state. But you could not have picked two spots farther apart that both resided inside it (well you could, but just humor me). Philadelphia and New Jersey would actually have been a closer series, by some 200 miles. Anyways, this series is really a coin toss. And when that happens, you have to ask yourself “Which team has that guy?” In this case, that guy is Sidney Crosby.

Prediction: Penguins in 7

As the Page Turns

Maybe you were stuck on a family vacation, a la National Lampoon, with no TV or Internet connection. Maybe you were 6 Malibu shots deep on a beach in Cabo. Maybe you were out in the world doing something worthwhile and fulfilling, like poking coconuts out of a tree in Nicaragua. Whatever your excuse, I don’t want to hear it. The only thing I want to hear is your praise and thanks, as I deliver to you my own variation of “In Case You Missed It”

As the calendar turns from March to April, we look forward to Easter, the invigorating warmth of the Spring and Summer months, and the impending close of the school year. Likewise, we eagerly await the arrival of baseball, postseason basketball, and playoff hockey. Get your fill now, America, because this exciting period lasts only through May/June.

But we will start, as always, with the NFL.

Over the weekend, Jimmy Buffet held a concert while touting a black and gold “Free Sean Payton” t-shirt, which is absolutely ridiculous and completely inappropriate. First of all, Sean Payton is not enslaved. He does not need to be freed. He is not Tibet. He is the head coach of a football team who got caught rewarding players for illegal/unnecessary hits on opponents. Secondly, he is only suspended for one year, and seeing as Williams is indefinitely suspended (read: forever), it could be a lot worse. Get over it, New Orleans. The franchise messed up. He messed up.

As for you, Mr. Buffet, what is wrong with you? You’re a Saints fan? Awesome. Why don’t you go post on an ESPN comment board about how cute Drew Brees’ son is, and leave the political bullcrap at home? I don’t recall seeing Falcons fans wearing “Free Michael Vick” t-shirts. You know why? Because he screwed up. Vick served his time and I’ll be the first one to credit him for that, and for his on-field skill. It’s not jail time, but Payton needs to do his time regardless.

On a different, equally as enraging note, Ryan Leaf was arrested twice this past weekend. That’s right, twice. On Friday, he was charged with stealing a golf bag, from an “acquaintance,” that housed a number of oxycodone pills. He posted a $76,000 bail. He then proceeded to break into another home and steal more prescription pills. He was brought in again on Sunday after authorities found 89 pills stuffed in a bathrobe pocket. The most surprising part of all this? ESPN managed to find a clip of him throwing a TD pass to show during the story. I didn’t think such a thing existed.

Moving right along. We wrapped up the college basketball season last night, with possibly the most anticlimactic, predictable finale in recent memory. The Kentucky Wildcats finished a 37-2 season with an easy victory over Kansas in the NCAA tournament championship. There was never a time during the year when Kentucky wasn’t in the top 3 in the AP poll, and they only spent 3 weeks in the 3 spot. They took the number 1 spot away from Syracuse on January 23 and they never gave it back. They were the number 1 overall seed. They had the player of the year. And I don’t care what anyone says, they had a great coach in John Calipari. So why is everyone so mad? Because this not what March Madness is about. Example: I participated in three separate tournament challenge leagues on ESPN, encompassing 14 different entries (including my own). Of these 14, only 2 had Kentucky winning it all. It’s just not fun to pick chalk. And in the end, it was Kentucky and Kansas, two of the most powerful and successful programs in history. There was no Butler. There was no VCU. There was no madness. Not in the end.

Personally, I am not upset. I hate to be the old stick in the mud, but I would rather see a team that played well all year and dominated a good conference win a deserved championship. It’s great to watch upsets when we see an underdog take advantage of a better team’s flaws. But Kentucky had no flaws to attack. We all waited for the slip-up, and it just didn’t come. I have no problems with the “Kentucky Koronation” except for the obvious fact that it is a terrible use of the English language.

I don’t want you all to think I’m forgetting about the women. Baylor and Notre Dame advanced through the final 4 this weekend (with wins over Stanford and UConn respectively), and will play each other for the championship tonight. The only thing you need to know is that Baylor’s Brittany Griner has bigger hands than LeBron James and will block any shot taken within a 3.5-mile radius of her.

In NBA news, Jeremy Lin is out for at least the remainder of the regular season. And unless they beat the Bulls in the first round of the playoffs, he probably won’t play again for a while. But the Knicks will make the playoffs, because they have Carmelo Anthony and because the rest of the East is all competing for a lottery spot, instead of the 8 seed. That is where the list of reasons ends. Linsanity is dead, so unarguably dead. I was so, so right and I told you so.

Additionally, the Clippers have won 6 straight, including the destruction of possible first round opponent Dallas last night. And tiny-handed LeBron James defended his 0 assist game against Boston by saying that his teammates need to make shots in order for him to record assists. While that is true, the better answer would have been that he is just a giant, selfish a-hole.

Last night also saw the Los Angeles Kings win 2-0 over the Edmonton Oilers. Goalie Jonathan Quick recorded his 10^th shutout of the season (leading the NHL) so, all evidence considered, he is the best goalie in the world. Q.E.D. The Kings strengthened their hold on the Pacific division lead and the third playoff seed and need only to win 1 of their remaining 2 games (both against San Jose) to clinch a playoff berth. San Jose, Dallas, and Phoenix are all hot on their heels, however, with only three spots (and 4 teams total) to go around.

Lastly, on the verge of the regular season, Indians pitcher Ubaldo Jimenez received a 5 game suspension for beaning Troy Tulowitzki in the back during a Spring Training game. I find this ridiculous. How many batters get nailed every season? No one gets suspended for that. It’s part of the game, whether intentional or not. And you can tell me all you want that Ubaldo was bitter that Colorado chose to pay Tulowitzki instead of him, I don’t care. Shouldn’t matter. On the bright side though, this suspension is totally meaningless, seeing as Ubaldo wouldn’t have pitched again for 5 games anyways. So good work Bud Selig, you are practically worthless.

Tune in on Thursday for MLB opening day and support our beloved Padres before they are statistically eliminated in early June.

Football Never Stops

Remember when they played that NBA ad that said, “basketball never stops” right after the potential season ending lockout was resolved? I get your point NBA, but you’re being a little silly. It’s funny because, for a time, basketball did indeed stop. Players couldn’t play. Coaches couldn’t coach. It was Tony Sparano’s darkest nightmare. But basketball has regained its footing as we are well into March. The NBA has very little to compete with in terms of professional sports right now, and March Madness, after the first weekend, slows down considerably and only takes a couple hours of TV time on the weekends. And yet, no one is talking about the NBA (Stephen A. Smith doesn’t count because no one’s listening). What are people talking about? Football. Why? Because football never stops.

No really, think about it. The NFL hasn’t slowed down at all since early February. Because that’s the way they set it up. Football has an outrageously long off-season; they have to keep you interested. They allow a month or so for the obligatory annual “This team did WHAT???” story. Then they unleash free agency on you. Follow that up with the draft in April. And with the unfolding stories after that, they’ve got you into summer now. I’ll admit that things slow down in July before preseason dawns, but they don’t really care. I mean, what else are you gonna watch in July? Midseason baseball?!?!

But just because the NFL has stuff going on, doesn’t mean we are always so interested. This year we are completely enraptured. Because we got things this year that we never ever expected to get.

Firstly, the lovable Saints, who rose out of disaster and became the heartbeat of a downtrodden city, are now mere thugs, getting paid bonuses for getting guys carted off with injuries. Let’s not play Amy Adams in Enchanted here and pretend like we don’t know this kind of activity goes on. But for Tebow’s sake, don’t get caught! There are so many intricacies of the NFL that we choose to ignore. We decide not to think about the corporations behind the players we see on the field. It’s not really that it surprises us that the Saints did this; it’s that it surprises us that they alone fell victim to Roger Goodell’s iron fist. You have to wonder how extensively the Commish is looking into this matter on a league wide scale, or if he just hopes that making an example of Sean Payton (1 year suspension) and Greg Williams (indefinite suspension) will deter other teams. Personally, I don’t think it stops anything. It is a structural issue that extends beyond football. Our culture values money over everything else. For six-figure payouts, who cares about a 15-yard penalty? Who cares if your team loses because you got ejected for concussing a wideout? You have $100,000 in your pocket. Get out of your gear and go meet up with Pacman Jones at a strip club. I do think Goodell’s actions were warranted, but the game breeds violence, you can’t stop that. And you can’t stop the influence of money.

Put that on the backburner for a moment, I’m sure some Saints executive will say something stupid soon enough. But let’s move on to free agency. The only thing that makes this free agency period more exciting is if Peyton Manning signs with Miami and openly mocks LeBron by announcing live on TV that he’s taking his talents to South Beach. But I guess you can’t have everything. But still a riveting sweepstakes, right? It looked like it might be the Dolphins. It looked like it might be the Seahawks. And it definitely looked like it might be the Titans. And at the last second, swashbuckling John Elway swoops in and steals the prize. Quite a performance by Mr. Elway, might I add? He put up with Tim Tebow just enough. It’s no secret that Elway never wanted Tebow as his QB. I imagine it would be hard for an all-time great like him to watch someone completely trivialize his position. And then he threw everything he had at Peyton. And Peyton bit.

You might be thinking, “Blake! He will now playing in the very same division as your beloved Chargers? Why is it that you remain so unfettered?” Firstly, nice use of “unfettered.” Secondly, I don’t really see a problem here. The Chargers have routinely owned Peyton Manning in recent years. We have won three playoffs games this millennium, two of them have been against the Colts. And this is a healthy Peyton Manning we are talking about. Now four neck surgeries in, I will be surprised if he makes it through the year unscathed. And I’m thinking it might be nice, for once, not to be the favorite. It has been a near lock for the past 8 years to pick the Chargers to top the AFC West in the preseason. Give someone else a chance to blow it this time.

As for Timmy Timmy Cocoa Puffs, I am just overjoyed for the youngster. Way to go kid! Good luck in New York. I can’t express to you how happy I am that I won’t have to deal with him in my division anymore. And even if Peyton Manning beats us, oh well, at least it won’t be the patron saint of grounded passes. I just don’t quite understand why it was the Jets, and not the Jags, who landed the holy one. Did you know that, in the end, the Jets and Jaguars offered Tebow almost identical amounts? The Broncos publicly admitted that they would let Tebow decide where to go in such a case where the offers were the same. So if we put two and two together, we can make the assumption that Timmy chose New York, where they already have 14 QBs on roster, none of whom are named Blaine Gabbert. You have to think that Tebow would have been the starter in Jacksonville, who recently had to throw a tarp over a portion of their unpurchased seats to avoid blackout rules (not joking), and basically would’ve gotten anything he asked for from that franchise. You don’t want the team to wear shoulder pads today… Are you sure? Yes, yes of course Tim – I mean SIR! Yes, of course, sir.

Now I don’t mean to say that football is the only sport of significance. I do like the NBA, but we have this lull with about 20 games left where we basically know who 12 of the playoffs teams will be and we are just waiting for the last few. It isn’t very exciting. Especially this year, where seasons were won or lost by the all star break. I have also taken a liking to the NHL (playoff post forthcoming) and you always get that warm fuzzy feeling for MLB opening day, that lasts about 3 hours, until you remember that you are forced to root for the San Diego Padres.

But the National Football League is, and will always be, a force of nature in this country. It is an unstoppable force that is yet to meet its immovable object. Football truly does rule the day, and at night, it never sleeps. We are now 158 days away from the 2012 NFL season, but as always, football never stops.

Praise the Pitch

All organizations have to start somewhere. We don’t think about the origins of leagues like the NBA, NFL, or MLB because they have been around for so long, they are just kind of a given at this point. Through wars and depressions, these titans of sporting entertainment have lasted the test of time, and are only getting stronger. We can’t imagine what life would be like without them, because they have always been there. And yet the MLS can’t seem to get off the ground, and it is entirely too easy to imagine life without it.

The world wouldn’t really be all that different. I don’t want to crush anyone’s dreams here, but it is a rare day when you hear that a kid wants to grow up to play in the MLS (especially when you consider the quality of foreign leagues). That’s kind of like dreaming of growing up to play second baseman for the AA League Corpus Christi Hooks (Sidenote: If I gave you an infinite number of guesses at what the Hooks’ slogan is, how many would it take you to get “This is Hooks baseball”? Like two? Isn’t that every baseball team’s slogan? Where has all the creativity gone?) And it’s weird when you think about it because so many kids play soccer. I played soccer for over 10 years in my youth, and never once did it cross my mind that I, or any of my teammates, would go pro.

Somewhere, there is some normal guy who played in a youth league with LeBron James, or Kobe Bryant, or Michael Jordan. You know there is absolutely no way those greats weren’t playing basketball by the time they turned 5. You’ve probably seen footage of the young Manning brothers tossing the pigskin around with their dad. There is unquestionably a large emphasis on starting prospective American athletes young... just not on soccer.

Why, you ask? I don’t think anyone has a definite answer. Clearly, the US has never been one to follow the flock (see: metric system). Perhaps it is a need to be different, to excel in areas that other countries can’t even touch. Nations around the world see their best baseball and basketball players migrate to the MLB and NBA. But the finest soccer stars, the ones that comprise our national team, they don’t generally play club soccer in our country, maybe because America has no intention on competing for supremacy in a sport that dominates hundreds of cultures across the globe.

Another possibility is that America has an aversion to the actual game play itself. It is the only professional sport that does not revolve around the hands. It seems a tad silly to suggest that Podophobia may be the downfall of soccer in the US, but stranger things have happened. Also, soccer doesn’t really fit in with America’s spectator culture. It is hard to sell soccer to Americans when it is quite possible the match will end in a 0-0 draw. The average American does not want to spend two hours of his/her life to witness an outcome that seems completely inconclusive (in reality, a draw can say a lot about a match, especially for the away team. Forcing a draw on another team’s home turf can be a major victory). We want high scores and constant excitement. Look at what we did to hockey. You played 3 periods AND overtime and it’s STILL tied? Preposterous! Go shoot 1 on 1 breakaways until somebody wins. On the other hand, soccer is much more of a chess match, where strategy and execution often trump talent and skill. We don’t really go for that.

However, I personally think the reason behind the struggles of the MLS is much more economic than that. Let me take you on a trip down memory lane for a moment. I don’t recall exactly which grade I was in, maybe 7th, maybe 9th, maybe 5th. Doesn’t matter. My friend Spencer and I did a report on racial percentages in the major sports (I believe including NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL and MLS). Our findings were completely unsurprising, as we “discovered” discrepancies, like how the NBA is predominantly black and NHL predominantly white. Shockers, right? Our conclusions, however, I feel were much more insightful. We concluded that the sports which required less equipment, basketball and soccer, usually took hold in areas with a higher black population and more poverty. Whereas, football, hockey, and baseball (which require much more precise equipment and territory) took place in more influential, white areas.

Applied on a global scale, our modest theory makes a lot sense. What do you need to play soccer? A ball and a goal. Not even necessarily a real soccer ball or real soccer goal, but anything you can obtain that will serve those purposes. While segments of America feel poverty’s crushing grasp, overall, the country can afford the luxuries of football equipment, goalposts, referees, and beautiful state of the art stadiums. A lot of other countries can’t. And thus, the people turn to soccer.

Despite the disconcerting state of the MLS, the US does put together a legitimately competitive national squad. A squad that, in fact, defeated Italy 1-0 yesterday in an international friendly. Although the game technically means nothing (there is no statistical significance, if you will), but it is a HUGE confidence boost for this American team. By my count, USA has beaten both of the last 2 World Cup champions (Italy and Spain) within the last 3 years. That has to mean something, doesn’t it.

I would like to conclude with a real world example. Last night, I was watching Sportscenter’s Top 10 plays (well, I only got to see plays 2 and 1, because someone thinks he’s too good for plays 10 through 3, and would rather watch Michelle Beadle and Colin Cowherd try to convince themselves that anyone cares about what they have to say... you know who you are). This was the number two play. One of the prettier goals you will ever see. The number one play was a routine alley-oop that I can see 5 times a game watching the Clippers. A nice play, but nowhere near as extraordinary as that goal.

This, my friends, is the bias American shows towards the game of soccer. It is secondhand to conventional American sports. It is possible that it will never grasp a firm hold on this country, but I think it will definitely more than take a Round of 16 loss to Ghana to capture it. See you in Brazil, boys.

More Than Meets the Eye

I don’t want you guys to think I’m one dimensional here. Hopefully, I have proven to you that I have encyclopedic knowledge and prodigious skill when it comes to covering sports in this column. But I do, believe it or not, know about other things... Well, at least one other thing: Media.

I mean, I am going to get a degree in Media Studies, maybe it’s time I put that wisdom to good use. Maybe it’s time to broaden my horizons and reach into the untapped resources I have at my disposal (It works for Bill Simmons, right?) So, today we break from the status quo. Mark today on your calendars, dear readers, as the day that I led you, fearlessly, into uncharted territory.

That flawlessly worded and overwhelmingly inspirational introduction basically just means that I’m going to start telling you about TV shows/movies/video games that I like, and you have no choice but to sit there and listen. Aren’t you lucky?

Today, we delve into the world of television, more specifically into the greatest television show you never considered to watch: Chuck.

It takes a lot for me to want to follow a show religiously. Never you mind that I currently follow some 15 television series. When you consider the pure astronomical mass of shoddy programming out there, the veritable smorgasbord of shows to choose from, you realize that it takes a certain je ne sais quoi to peak my, yours, or anyone’s interest these days.

For me, it’s usually comedy. You make me laugh, and I am loyal to you. This is the reason I watch The Office, 30 Rock, Modern Family, and How I Met Your Mother. And this is the reason that I started watching Chuck when it debuted in 2007. Just so we are clear, I watched the pilot WHEN IT AIRED. And up until leaving for college in January 2010, I watched it weekly, more often than not, on the night of original airing. It was just one of those shows for me. I built my schedule around being able to watch it on Monday nights, which means I would have my homework done by then... or I wouldn’t do it at all. It was much harder to keep up once I got to Berkeley, there were just so many other things to do than sit around and watch TV. But I completed the series just a few months removed from “real time” if you will.

Let me pause here momentarily. If you are one of the blessed souls who has watched the entirety of the show, I applaud you. You may continue reading at your leisure. If you are in the process of watching it or have future plans of watching it, that’s alright. But you may want to stop at this paragraph. I do not intend to reveal spoilers, but I make no promises. And for those of you who have no intention whatsoever of indulging yourself in a brilliant program... go away. No one likes you.

Working under the assumption that many of you will eschew my directions and keep reading even though you have never watched the show, I suppose I should start from the beginning. Chuck's titular character is a down-on-his luck “nerd” who works at the Buy More in Burbank, California (clarification: Buy More is a fictional version of Best Buy, for all intents and purposes). An old college friend of Chuck’s, who turns out to be a spy, sends him an email full of images encoded with government secrets. When Chuck opens the email, the images flash before his eyes and are transmitted into his brain. From that point forward, if Chuck sees or hears about something contained in these images (as a whole referred to as the “Intersect”) he recalls, involuntarily, any information the government has on it. That is the foundation upon which the entire show is built upon. Got it? Awesome.

It would take me hours and hours to give you a solid plot summary, so I’m just going to jump ahead and give you a list of things I love about Chuck:

The Actors/Characters:

First things first, Zachary Levi is a wonderful actor. He looks the part, he sounds the part, he acts the part. He switches effortlessly back and forth between comedic lovable loser and suave, debonair man about town. We watch as he progresses throughout the series, from nondescript Nerd Herder to sophisticated secret agent. He fits the role perfectly. And speaking of fitting a role perfectly, has there even been a better fit than Adam Baldwin as NSA agent John Casey? He really holds that group, and the shop together. And Yvonne Strahovski (whom at a time I considered to be just a pretty face) really picked it up in the closing episodes.

And it’s not just the stars that sparkle, it’s the littany of guest stars as well. Just off the top of my head: Rachel Bilson, John Larroquette, Chevy Chase, Nicole Ritchie, Jordana Brewster, Gary Cole, Stone Cold Steve Austin, and my personal favorite Timothy Dalton.

The Story:

Remember in my HIGHLY CONTROVERSIAL Jeremy Lin article, I said that our culture loves a story we can connect with. Chuck certainly falls within that category. It is easy for the viewer to put themselves in Chuck’s shoes. To imagine what it would be like to live his life and face his challenges. We sympathize with him (watch out for actual scholarly insight here) because we have exclusive access to his thoughts and actions. He is forced to keep a significant secret from his family and friends, but not from us viewers.

On top of that, the show keeps you guessing. And I don’t mean in a “Oh my gosh, Ted still has feelings for Robin? Who knew???” kind of way. I mean that there are real twists, Lost style, that you don’t see coming until they smack you in the face. For a critically unacclaimed NBC TV show, Chuck was particularly witty and well-thought out, despite the fact that it faced threats of cancellation for the better part of its last two seasons.

The Ending:

I was fully anticipating one of those storybook endings. I was expecting true love’s kiss and all that other nonsense they feed children these days (by the way, has anything ever created higher romantic standards than Disney movies? Think about it). I was expecting Harry Potter all over again (THAT is a conversation for another blog post). But Chuck did not sell out, Chuck didn’t give you the stereotypical happy ending. And in a way, it symbolized the entire run of the show. There was a reliance on the scientific, not the magical. Nothing happened that was without reason (in the universe of the show) or that went unexplained. And there was never an easy solution to any problem (They had to kill Shaw like 7 times). But in the end, there was faith and hope, even in the face of discouragement. And isn’t that really what life is about?

Yes, it is.

Do yourself a favor, and watch the pilot. Chuck is not just the story of a normal guy who stumbles into an abnormal situation. It is, above all else, a story of devotion. To one’s family. To one’s partner. To one’s nation. To oneself.

Parameters of a Miracle: The Tale of Jeremy Lin

Usually this space is reserved for technical analysis of statistics and standings. Most of the time, I rely heavily on numbers and try to remain somewhat objective. I tell you how games will play out and how the standings will be augmented throughout the season. You have come to expect this... and now I pull the rug out from under your feet.

This is not a story of statistics. This is not a story of rationality and analysis. This is not a story of a lovely lady, who was bringing up three very lovely girls. This is the story of Jeremy Lin. If you don’t know who he is, then you don’t have internet access, and you won’t be reading this anyways... Wrap your brain around that... If a tree falls in the woods....

Lin, who received no scholarships to play college ball, and no bids to be drafted to an NBA team, is one of those inspiring cases that we sports fans love. You know why? It’s rather simple. It’s the same reason people read Us Magazine, because we love to know that stars are just like us. You see, I, personally, received no scholarships to play basketball in college, and although I have not yet decided if I am going to enter the NBA draft, chances are I won’t be drafted (Side note: are there any real requirements for entering a professional sports draft? Could I just throw my name in there, for poops and giggles? I will be looking into this).

So in terms of those requirements, Lin and I stand on equal footing. Now I haven’t been practicing daily since I was 4 years old, but Allen Iverson told me that’s not a big deal. So what really separates Jeremy Lin from the rest of us? Some may say natural talent. Some may say work ethic. Some may say undying determination. They are right, of course. Jeremy Lin possesses superior talent, work ethic, and determination than the average man. But these are not the things I would say. If prompted with the question “What makes Jeremy Lin so great?” I respond with one word: Hype.

And just like that we find ourselves on the road less traveled.

Controversial Opinion Alert. If you and your delicate ears can’t handle hearing criticism of beloved cultural and social figures, you may choose to stop reading here. Now, for the rest of you, allow me to note a few things before I begin. First, these are my own subjective opinions about a specific phenomenon and I do not expect, nor want, everyone to agree with them. Secondly, I do not hate Jeremy Lin. This one is important. It has nothing to do with him on a personal level, it has more to do with the atmosphere that surounds him. Got it? Good. Buckle up.

The hype surrounding Jeremy Lin has far exceeded any we have seen for this kind of scenario in a long time, possibly ever. I can understand why Andrew Luck and Robert Griffin III receive massive hype for anything and everything, they are top tier draft prospects with the ability to immensely alter the future of the NFL. Jeremy Lin is not.

I can also understand that Lin represents a previously untapped culture in the NBA, being the first Taiwanese player in history. And that is where the vast majority of the hype originates. That being said, it should not matter. It does, of course, because the world, and everyone in it, is divided by race and always will be. But when I calculate his basic value as a player for a basketball team, I absolutely 100% don’t care that he’s Asian. And wouldn’t that be a wonderful world to live in? If we didn’t care that he is racially different from the other 99% of the league. If we could only base our judgment on the factors that truly matter. Yet if you ask people what they know about Jeremy Lin, I bet at least 90% will say first, before anything else, that he’s an Asian basketball player. Call me a cynic, call me a non-believer, but if you take race out of the equation, I don’t particularly see why he’s so highly touted.

As for his actual performance, I acknowledge that he scored the most points ever for a player in his first 6 starts, or whatever the number was. Great. Way to go. I would like to point out that in those games he played exactly one good team, and that was the Lakers. I don’t want to trivialize what he’s done on the court, but I’m not shocked that the Nets, Jazz, Wizards, Timberwolves, and Raptors would be the teams to give up that record. Also, the NBA season is a marathon, not a sprint (even when it’s not a full 82 game slate). Six great performances doesn’t make him a star, not in my mind. You play six great games in the NBA finals, that’s a star.

Let’s also factor in that since the 7-0 stretch Lin sparked, the Knicks are 2-3 (and still under .500 for the season). They lost home games to the Hornets and Nets, which is not something good teams do. He looked completely sluggish against Miami, shot 1-11 from the field and contributed just 8 points, 6 rebounds, and 3 assists in a 14 point loss (not to mention 8 turnovers). Clearly, he is tired.

And I don’t see it getting better. I watched that Knicks-Hornets game. I was rooting for New York, I promise you I was. Don’t be fooled by his 26 points, he shot 18 times (plus 10 free throw attempts). The Hornets figured him out, figured the Knicks out. They made him shoot tough shots, and made him give up the ball so his teammates could take tough shots. They didn’t let him run the game. They dared New York to beat them with ANYONE else. And New York couldn’t do it. Now, this is not Lin’s fault. But defenses will continue to change the game and discount his dynamic. They will make him a non-factor. He is, in essence, the Wildcat formation.

Remember if you will when the Miami Dolphins unveiled the Wildcat in a game against New England, and absolutely massacred an unprepared Patriots defense. Jeremy Lin is not so much of a paradigm shift, but the same idea applies. He is to Carmelo Anthony what the Wildcat was to conventional offensive formations. A slight curveball, if you will. But sometimes, curveballs get left hanging.

Which brings me to my penultimate point, he is not Carmelo Anthony. Say what you want, but we all know Carmelo Anthony is the better player. Don’t be foolish. Don’t say Lin is better just to rile us up. You know it. I know it. Let’s be real. And while I wouldn’t imagine that Lin would ever return to his former position on the bench (playing 5 minutes every other week), he will not be the starter. He will get time when Melo needs a break, but that’s about it. In the end, he will be a flash-in-the-pan. He will be the benchmark with which we grade future rookies. He will be remembered for 6 games. No more.

Lastly, the most ridiculous part of all this hype is the comparison to Tim Tebow. I would say that it’s like comparing apples and oranges, but it’s more like comparing apples and Marxist thinkers. The NFL is horribly quarterback centric and we allot praise or blame almost exclusively to the QB. However, in basketball, although still slightly point guard centric, the credit is much more fairly distributed throughout the members of the team. I would say that at least 75% of credit for each Denver Broncos win should be given to the defensive unit and Matt Prater (and Tebow only gets 25% because I award him credit for his motivated influence). Remember, the Broncos won a game in which Tebow completed 2 passes. Just saying. Jeremy Lin should get at least 50% for what he did in 12 games for the Knicks. He ran those games. There was never a time when I felt that Tim Tebow carried the outcome of the game squarely on his shoulders. But because we value QBs and (to a lesser degree) PGs, Tebow and Lin are compared for their success as if they were equivalent in skill and stature, which honestly is a massive insult to Lin’s athletic ability.

I will concede many things about Jeremy Lin. He is quick. He is a good passer. He can make his way to the rim. He isn’t afraid to take a big shot. But you know what? Carmelo Anthony can do all those things and excels in many areas that Lin has yet to touch. And I do not wish to underestimate the power of motivation he brings, but that simply doesn’t last. Motivation can’t win you a championship. No one thinks the Knicks will win the NBA Championship, just like no one thought the Broncos would win the Superbowl. Stories like this only go so far. And I don’t know if Lin’s even gets to the playoffs.

As a culture, we get bored with the status quo. We want to be surprised. We want stories like Lin and Tebow. We love underdogs and misfits, because they are so much more like us than superhuman athletes like LeBron James (who possesses a torso unparalleled by anything humankind has ever seen). But when all is said and done, more often than not, the status quo returns, unchanged. The more things change the more they stay the same.

NBA All-Star Break Update

For this comprehensive mid-season glimpse into the National Basketball Association, I have called upon Senior NBA Analyst Tejasvi Srivangipuram, the Stephen A. Smith of the East Bay. This piece is a collaborative effort between the two of us, aiming to bring you an entertaining and encompassing review of all 6 divisions and both conferences.

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Division
1. Philadelphia (20-14) 2. New York (17-18) 3. Boston (15-17) 4. Toronto (10-23) 5. New Jersey (10-25)

This division belongs to the Philadelphia 76ers. They have the most solid starting 5 in the division, with Jrue Holliday leading the way, and the always game Andre Iguodala. Assuming we see Spencer Hawes return with as much success he enjoyed earlier this season (57% FG), the 76ers should have no trouble taking this relatively weak division and positioning themselves for a first round home series and a potential upset in round two. As far as the rest of the division is concerned, the Knicks and Celtics both hold records under .500, but would make the playoffs if the season was 35 games long (don’t put that past David Stern if we see another lockout), because the Eastern Conference is top heavy and lacks depth in terms of good teams. The Knicks had a nice run with Jeremy Lin, but we all know Carmelo is the better player, and if they should make the playoffs, it will be by Melo’s hand. Boston has an average player age of 53.2 years, and that’s not including grandpa Paul Pierce, who is inexplicably allowed to bring a walker onto the court during games. Toronto and New Jersey just don’t get it; don’t be surprised to see Deron Williams take off for greener pastures soon.

Central Division
1. Chicago (27-8) 2. Indiana (21-12) 3. Cleveland (13-18) 4. Milwaukee (13-20) 5. Detroit (11-24)

Chicago’s pretty much got this one locked up, seeing as they’re winning games with Derrick Rose pretending to be hurt/resting (interestingly enough, this team is better defensively with CJ Watson running the point). They can waltz to the 2 seed (unless they really want to fight Miami for the top spot). Indiana might have the most dynamic NBA roster from top to bottom, and if David West can get back to form, they’ll be a tough team to beat in the playoffs. With Danny Granger leading the scoring attack, and Paul George and Roy Hibbert developing nicely, this team is one playmaking shooting guard away from being a real force. They have to find a way to compete with the East’s elite though, losing to Miami by 20+ each time isn’t going to cut it. Cleveland might somehow make the playoffs if Kyrie Irving continues playing the way he does (and if they get enough help from New York and Boston). It’s sad that Milwaukee’s out of it, but this team just doesn’t understand that they can’t compete by bringing in the ancient Mike Dunleavy and Stephen Jackson to solve their scoring woes (also doesn’t help that Brandon Jennings wants to leave). Even if Bogut comes back healthy, I don’t expect this team to leave the lottery this year. And Detroit is a shame, just a crying shame (and a waste of Greg Monroe). The Pistons (and players who have moved on from Detroit - I’m looking at you Chauncey) continue to deny that it is not 2004 anymore.

Southeast Division
1. Miami (27-7) 2. Orlando (22-13) 3. Atlanta (20-14) 4. Washington (7-26) 5. Charlotte (4-28)

As we mentioned, it’s Heat and Bulls, 1 and 2 in some order, and the smart bet would be on these teams playing each other in the conference finals. Wade and LeBron are unstoppable when they are on the same page, and let’s just hope (for the city of Miami’s sake) that they overcome their past playoff performances (here’s looking at you, Lebron). Orlando and Atlanta seem pretty content with the 5 and 6 seeds - both these teams know they aren’t going to win, yet don’t know what to do about it. Plus, the Magic realize that Dwight Howard is probably having wet dreams about playing in LA with Kobe in the future and have little left to attract him into a resigning with. As far as Joe Johnson is concerned, we may come to understand that his 6 year, $119 million contract may be the worst deal since the Louisiana Purchase. Atlanta is just good enough to grab one of the lower playoff spots, but not good enough to do anything with it. Washington, unfortunately for John Wall, is considered by many to be the dumbest team to ever play basketball. And Charlotte, well, let’s just be glad Michael Jordan's legacy doesn’t include his stint as a GM.

EASTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFF PREDICTION
1. Miami
2. Chicago
3. Indiana
4. Philadelphia
5. Orlando
6. Atlanta
7. Boston
8. Cleveland

Not much change from where we are now. We like Cleveland more than New York, but it could be a highly-contested race for the eight seed, with the reward being a date with Miami.

Western Conference

Northwest Division
1. Oklahoma City (27-7) 2. Portland (18-16) 3. Denver (18-17) 4. Minnesota (17-17) 5. Utah (15-17)

Oklahoma City is the cream of the Western Conference crop, and should have little issue wrapping up this division (in which they already have a 9 game lead) and a top seed, probably the highest. Durant and Westbrook make up an incredibly potent duo to rival any other in the league. Portland and Denver have both had some bad luck, but should come back strong down the stretch and find spots in the postseason. LaMarcus Aldridge is having the best year for a power forward in the West. He has put the Trailblazers on his back and kept them afloat when they could easily be under .500. The Nuggets are feisty and will be able to stick around in the long stretch. And any team who starts Timofey Mozgov deserves a postseason series. In Soviet Russia, playoffs make you. Utah and Minnesota, both in the building process, simply don’t have the depth and experience to keep up with the stronger teams, but could be contenders in the next few years given the right pieces.

Pacific Divisions
1. LA Clippers (20-11) 2. LA Lakers (20-14) 3. Golden State (13-17) 4. Phoenix (14-20) 5. Sacramento (11-22)

As bipolar as the Lakers have been thus far, their schedule treats them quite fairly over the next couple months and this is about the time when they started ramping it up last year. They could certainly do with a few small roster moves (read: either Rasheed Wallace, Michael Beasley, or Gilbert Arenas) and maybe they could have someone who isn't just completing 2nd grade draw up plays to get Pau the ball. Also, we are still waiting for Andrew Bynum's knee ligaments to explode spontaneously after an ordinary rebound, so there's always that. As exciting as the Lob City Clippers have been, they lack the experience (and leadership?) that the Lakers have enjoyed for so long. Don’t get it twisted, the Clippers have completed an about-face in 2012 and are almost certainly headed for the playoffs as a top 5 seed, but the only bit of leadership and experience they may have had, vanished when Chauncey Billups tore his Achilles. Even though they hold a 1.5 lead over the Lakers at this juncture, we find it hard to imagine this group of highflying youngsters staving off their always present older brother. The Warriors just can’t win a close game, which is a shame, but Mark Jackson’s been keeping his hand up (and man up) for a lot longer than expected. The rest of the division is just sad. It’s a shame that Phoenix can’t get Steve Nash a team, because the man can still play. The fact that they haven’t rewarded his loyalty is downright deplorable. Sacramento has lacked discipline since Adelman left, and the Maloofs just aren’t in it to win it anymore. Best case scenario is that some Bay Area Baron (and we don’t mean Davis) buys the team and gets them a new arena in either Sacramento or San Jose.

Southest Division
1. San Antonio (24-10) 2. Dallas (21-13) 3. Houston (20-14) 4. Memphis (19-15) 5. New Orleans (8-25)
Thanks to the best scouting and talent development in the history of the NBA (and it’s not even close), the Spurs have managed to not only stay competitive, but also dominate most the West. They have the second best record, and it doesn't appear that they will even need Duncan and Parker that much down the stretch, what with the bench of capable backups they have assembled. Dallas is another team that shouldn’t be overlooked, so expect them to stay in the top 4 throughout the season (as they always seem to be hanging around right on the edge of everyone's expectations). We don’t like Houston and Memphis, and think that their impressive performances (given Houston’s lack of star talent and Z-Bo’s injury woes) will not be enough. There is not room for both these teams in the postseason. And the New Orleans David Sterns? Well, this is what you get for trading CP3 for a bunch of untrained (and injury prone) babies in diapers, and a bag of Funions (easily the MVP of that trade). Good luck selling that team now.

WESTERN CONFERENCE PLAYOFF PREDICTION
1. Oklahoma City
2. San Antonio
3. LA Lakers
4. Dallas
5. LA Clippers
6. Portland
7. Denver
8. Houston

There's a little bit of movement here. As we discussed, we expect the Lakers to overtake the Clippers in the Pacific. And we think of the 4 teams contending for the last 3 spots, Portland is the most talented and Memphis will fall just short of Denver and Houston.