Week 8 Recap: WCTD: What CAN Tebow Do?

I have a couple of midterms coming up so I'm gonna have to keep it short and sweet here with the recap. I'll be able to put more time into next week's picks. Although I have had 2 different people tell me they are going to pick the opposite of all my predictions, which really makes me feel good inside. I'm trying my best ok?

[Insert witty banter here]

Let's get to the games (My pick is in parenthesis):

Colts (+8.5) @ Titans

TEN 27, IND 10 (Loss)

So clearly Chris Johnson isn't having a great year. I can see statistics. I'm tired of Johnson fantasy owners complaining about him, when I am guaranteed to get no more than 17 points from my first round pick this entire season. But hey, Javon Ringer has a little fight in him and it was announced this week that the Titans are going to move towards a system "where the hot back is rewarded." Just means CJ2K sucks and everyone knows it. But alas, the Colts can't cover against anyone. Once they realized that they are going nowhere with Painter, they just threw it into number 1 draft pick mode. You either get Andrew Luck to apprentice Manning, or you trade it to someone for all their 2012 draft picks. Colts got a lot of holes to fill.

Jaguars @ Texans (-9.5)

HOU 24, JAC 14 (Win)

After the 49ers, the Texans have the easiest road to their division title. Nice to see them actually winning these games. AND they are winning them without Andre Johnson (who will be back) and Mario Williams (who won't be, unfortunately). As for Blaine Gabbert, looks like I was right about goldilocks out there. Nice 10/30 showing Blaine.

Vikings @ Panthers (-3.5)

MIN 24, CAR 21 (Loss)

Ugh... I watched this whole game, and I don't know how the Vikings won. I guess they played pretty mistake free but I didn't see them do anything well. Cam was magical again, and AGAIN his defense let him down (against Christian Ponder no less). And 62 year old Olindo Mare missed a 30 yard field goal in the final seconds. It is unlikely that you cover 3.5 in overtime, usually you'll get a 3 point result, but I still felt bad for Cam. He deserves more wins. Could easily be 4-4 or better. Vikings still stink by the way.

Saints (-13) @ Rams

STL 31, NO 21 (Loss)

I do all this research, just to show you how historically bad the Rams have been this season and then the Jekyl and Hyde Saints come in. They were like the stupid house who leaves a bowl of candy outside with a sign asking that people only take one. Hahaha, good joke. You come back 10 minutes later, that candy is gone. The Saints just left the bowl there and were like "Hey A.J. Feeley, just take a few points ok?" Stupid Saints. Stupid NFL. I hate it all.

Cardinals @ Ravens (-12.5)

BAL 30, ARZ 27 (Loss)

Well chalk up another wild card for the Ravens. It's unbelievable that after the beatdown they put on Pittsburgh in week 1, the Steelers would already have passed them up by November. And not just in record, I think the Steelers beat the Ravens 9 out of 10 times if they play right now. But I guess we'll find out next week. And maybe I should have taken my own advice about Kevin Kolb. Just good enough to keep his job, but just bad enough to be 1-6. All I can say is that the Ravens were lucky to come back in this game. Losing to Arizona at home does not leave a good taste in your mouth.

Dolphins (+10) @ Giants

NYG 20, MIA 17 (Win)

Take some notes Indy, this is how you tank with respect. You don't see the Dolphins going out and losing by 55 points do you? No, they are sneaky tankers, and they are damn good at it. I have no doubt in my mind that the Dolphins are going to lead every game for the rest of the season at halftime and find a way to lose by 3 points. Miami seems like the right fit for Luck anyways, doesn't it? And Eli Manning made me proud, coming nowhere near covering that 10 point line. Way to go Eli.

Redskins @ Bills (-6)

BUF 23, WAS 0 (Win)

So I did say that I liked the Bills a little bit, but I would attribute this to the pure incompetence that is the 2011 Washington Redskins. John Beck was sacked NINE times (the Bills had 4 sacks in their first 6 games). John Beck also stunk, being behind the whole game, throwing 33 times and only amassing 208 yards and 2 INTs but at least he's not Blaine Gabbert. I still don't think the Bills will make the playoffs, although they really have just one competitor for the 6 spot and that's the Jets (I'm not counting the Raiders or Chiefs, but we'll get to them). We'll see next week when the Jets come into Buffalo for a big division matchup.

Lions (-1.5) @ Broncos

DET 45, DEN 10 (Win)

Where is your Tebow now, Denver? Where is your Tebow now? I mean, do you keep starting him? How long does it go on for? If you are out on Orton, you still have Brady Quinn on the bench, and I am unwilling to believe that (based on talent and technical abilities) Tebow is a better QB than Brady Quinn. Maybe they are setting up for a Drew Bledsoe/Tom Brady type deal. Wait til Tebow gets hurt (because benching him would cause mass hysteria) and then bring in Brady Quinn and BOOM, super bowl champs.... Or maybe not. Oh hey, nice game there Lions. Big fan. Love the defense.

Patriots (-3) @ Steelers

PIT 25, NE 17 (Loss)

Well, I don't know about all of you, but I was surprised. I was surprised that the Steelers so effectively slowed down the Pats offense (I don't want to say "stopped" or "shut down" because Brady was still 24/35 with 2 TDs). They had absolutely no deep threat, but that may just be their own fault. I was REALLY surprised by the Steelers coming out and throwing FIFTY times. That is not Steelers football. Big Ben was 36/50 (which is his second highest performance for both completions and attempts in his career) for 365, 2 TDs, and 1 INT. He completed passes to 9 different receivers (did you know that Jerricho Cotchery was on the Steelers??? Me neither!). Mendenhall did put up 70 yards on 13 carries (a luscious 5.4 average) but the Steelers were intent on attacking the Patriots glaring weakness, their secondary. Let me throw out some names for you: Devin McCourty, James Ihedigbo, Patrick Chung, Kyle Arrington. Although this may sound like the components of a boy band, it is actually the Patriots starting secondary. Not a good sign. You have to think the Steelers are the class of the AFC at this point, but don't count out the Patriots, they always bounce back.

Browns @ 49ers (-8.5)

SF 20, CLE 10 (Win)

I was forced to watch this game in HD and had to resort to crappy online streams to catch a glimpse of the Patriots-Steelers game. What a boring affair. The Browns are secretly not so bad and secretly really bad at the same time. If you look at the stats, they are not all that different. Surely the 49ers have the better running game with Gore (and Kendall Hunter is nothing to sneeze at). But the reason this game was decided by 10 points is because the Browns turned the ball over twice, while the 49ers did not. The most surprising thing, however, is that Colt McCoy somehow managed to recover three of his FOUR fumbles. You wanna guess how many times he was sacked? Yep, four. I don't like your prospects, Colt, if you are going to fumble every time a defensive lineman looks at you.

Bengals @ Seahawks (+2.5)

CIN 34, SEA 12 (Loss)

And that is the last time I waste 109 words on a Seahawks prediction. I was wrong, they deserve nothing. You never bet against the Red Rifle (who, by the way, will be leading my fantasy team this week while Cammie Wammie Twinkle Toes Frosted Flakes Gummy Bear Sugar Snaps rests on his bye week). I hesitate to say that Andy Dalton is in the running for rookie of the year, because I just feel like Newton has been so transcendent. But Andy has led his team to a 5-2 start (where Cam is 2-6). Let's see where the Red Rifle stands after his 4 games against Pittsburgh and Baltimore.

Cowboys (+3.5) @ Eagles

PHI 34, DAL 7 (Loss)

So I was at the Gaia Penthouse (sounds super fancy dunnit?) for Monday night's game. And as I am sitting there, waiting with eager anticipation for the Chargers to punch me in the gut, I asked my Eagles fan friend Anjan, "Well you must feel pretty good about that Eagles-Cowboys game, huh?" He replied "Ehhhh, the fourth quarter was so typical Eagles, letting them drive down the field... BLAH BLAH BLAH." Here am I, a fan of a team about to lose control of the second worst division in football to the Kansas City Queefs, willing to give my left nut for a 34-7 victory over ANYONE, and he has the audacity to say that he wasn't pleased with his team's performance in a MEANINGLESS 4th quarter in a game they won by 5,000 points over their BIGGEST division rival... What an a-hole. I hope LeSean McCoy gets hit by a bus (and lives... I'm not a monster) and that Tony Romo finally realizes he's left handed.

Chargers @ Chiefs (+3.5)

KC 23, SD 20 (Win)

Sigh. Say what you want about the Chargers. We win that game 99 times out of 100. Any other team wins this game 100 times out of 100 in our position. There was some cosmic "higher power" stuff going on here. How many times will you see a QB (especially one of Rivers caliber - still top 10, everyone relax) make such an egregious mistake on a play where the only important thing is NOT FUMBLING? And by the way, two offensive pass interference penalties on the Chargers in one quarter? One of which overturned an Antonio Gates TD catch? That simply does not happen. A team could go all season without an offensive PI call. And if what Gates did on that play was PI, then every pass play in the NFL is offensive PI, that's all I have to say on that. The Chargers did not play to their fullest ability (4 turnovers, never good) but it's not like the Chiefs played a great game. What more can you want if you're the Chargers? After being down 13-3 at halftime, to be in a 20-20 tie with the ball on your opponent's 15 yard line with under a minute left an no time outs to be found. Then to BLOW that and win the overtime coin toss... How much more do you need Chargers? How much more do you need?

Weekly Record: 6-7

Overall: 12-14-1

If anyone is wondering, I did in fact come through on my guarantee, riding the Detroit Lions defense and their 42 points to a much-needed fantasy victory. And I will issue a second guarantee to win again this week to improve to 4-5.

Check back very soon (like tomorrow) for week 9.